Afraid......... - pipTalk Forums

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Abiola
Junior Member

since 2006-08-09

Posts 29

0 posted 2006-09-12 11:20 PM

I'm afraid!!!

I'm afraid of lettin u get to close to understand me

I'm afraid of lettin u know what i feel inside

I'm afraid to talk, express what i feel.

When all u r here for is to help, understand, and be here

4 me.

I'm afraid of lettin u see my tears when all i want u to do

is wipe them away

You call and ask, "whats wrong", i start to say.....but i'm

afraid to finish because i don't want to make a mistake

and say the word thing that makes u feel sad

I'm afraid of u!!!!!!!!!!

I'm afraid of u carin, loving, and always beenin near

I'm afraid of just lettin go. I don't know y..........

Yeah i know i keep things build up inside and always

block ppl out but it's just me

I guess i'm afraid of change

I'm afraid, come rescue me soon......

************ Abi aka WiSdOm******

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

1 posted 2006-09-13 02:53 AM

And I'm afraid you need to write English before anyone will take you seriously as a poet.

Sorry.

Moonbeam

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2006-09-13 08:55 AM

I second that. Serious writing is not done in internet shorthand. It is not "cute." Instead it just yells to the audience that the writer is to lazy to spend the effort to do it right.

artexeres
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 156
south africa

3 posted 2006-09-13 09:53 AM

Try another poem take your time and let your feelings flow. Never give up keep trying.

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

4 posted 2006-09-13 10:53 AM

Brooklyn Huh?

Well I don't think that the way you write cannot b defined as poetry. I like the intensity, but - I think that you can say the same thing and still add g's on the end of your suffixes and spell the words "for" and "you" out fully. This will not take the street out of your words, but it will allow for a wider audience. Just a thought.

CS

cbautista
Junior Member

since 2006-09-13

Posts 38

5 posted 2006-09-13 04:09 PM

Though I am having a hard time with this, maybe she was trying a new way to write. Sort of experimenting on the up and coming languages.

Also, alot of it sounds like angst and more..complaints which may be exactly what you are looking for.

My suggestion, maybe use more of the "internet language" to make it interesting and less wordy. This may give the feel of a more "computer" savy language.

It may work that way.

Abiola
Junior Member

since 2006-08-09

Posts 29

6 posted 2006-09-13 08:23 PM

Well thanks i'm use to writing short hand when i'm online but in school it's different. I see where all of you are coming from I understand..... Thank you for that

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