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Critical Analysis #2

Ode To Passion

athlone
New Member

since 2006-09-12

Posts 3
Israel

0 posted 2006-09-12 07:09 AM

Ode To Passion

Such passion lies between soft thighs
of beauty’s earthly form.
Her blossomed lips and sculpted hips
my hungry eyes adorn.
For sweet caress of rose-bud breast
O I would gladly die,
to be reborn in misted dawn
with love’s departing sigh.
www.poetrypages4u.com

Brian James
Member

since 2005-06-26

Posts 147
Winnipeg

1 posted 2006-09-12 12:08 PM

The title?  It doesn't appear to be written "to" anyone, since you're not directly addressing "passion" in the abstract or anything.  If you want to get technical (like I do), it's not an "ode" either (it isn't written in stanzas).

"Adorn" doesn't appear to be the word you're looking for in line 4, though I do appreciate the creative rhyming with "form"---perhaps you could rephrase that one line and make "adorn" refer to something else.  Her features don't really "adorn" your eyes, after all (or vica versa, depending on how it's meant to be taken).  The word "hungry" is a little out-of-keeping with the rest of your poem, too---it sounds a bit unwholesome, which would be okay if the same were true of the rest of your poem.

Other than that, it's not so bad.  A little elementary, but it's saved by its simplicity.

Welcome to piptalk---

Brian

"To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form."
~Robert Frost

artexeres
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 156
south africa

2 posted 2006-09-13 10:01 AM

Shalom Athlone, good to see you here, this poem on passion is a reflection of men,and is simple therefor easy to read. thank you.

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