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Critical Analysis #2

Haiku/Senryu 1

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

0 posted 2006-06-16 04:20 PM

The rain pounded down
onto my body arched back
with arms open wide

/\/The Editing Queen\/\

It's strange that words are so inadequate. Yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath, so the lover must struggle for wo

[This message has been edited by The Shadow in Blue (06-17-2006 12:51 AM).]

Skippyrick
Member

since 2006-05-16

Posts 150
Rohnert Park

1 posted 2006-06-17 02:13 PM

Hi:

Hiku can be fun but it also needs to be vast. I have a hard time writing just one stanza at a time I tend to write Hiku in a more than one stanza. I'll poest one for you. I always enjoy seeing what others say about my work
\
Rick

The Shadow in Blue
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 493
EL, Michigan

2 posted 2006-06-17 03:18 PM

Thanks for the frankness on my stab on Haiku because truthfully I kind of am more of a fan of the free-er form of writing. I'd appreciate it if you posted one of your Haikus here Rick.

~Jill

/\/The Editing Queen\/\

It's strange that words are so inadequate. Yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath, so the lover must struggle for wo

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2006-06-17 10:31 PM

I suppose it is a senryu instead of haiku. I don't usually find nuch interest in these things but I liked yours. It gave me a vivid physical image and a pleasant one.

Thanks
Pete

lokiwolf
Junior Member

since 2006-06-27

Posts 31

4 posted 2006-06-28 12:38 PM

i liked it! i like haikus and senryu

um heres a quike one:

Hand cloaking the sun
Sparkling daimond revealed
crystalline fragments

night and moon and stars (if you havent guessed)

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