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Critical Analysis #2
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kjmdrumz3
New Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 6
Maryland

0 posted 2006-06-06 02:54 PM


This is the second poem in my first post. I reworked it into more of a "classic poem" state. I then read thorugh it, dropped some unneccesary words to try to make it stronger, and reordered the stanzas to try to make it read smoother instead of jumping around all over the place. You can go back to my first post "My Reflections" to see my thoughts scribbled, then read this and tell me what you think. Thanks.

Reflection II

Looking at a picture of us
my reflection is all I see
can we love again enough
for you to stand by me?

They say it makes you better
to express emotions through a pen
It didn’t work the first time
I write to try again.

I went through alot
things you always faced with me
what got me through the bad times
your loves sincerity.

Lots of people go through this
little have lost so much
you were always there for me
your love my only crutch.

You helped me through the worst of times
I hurt you through the rest
not a word on this paper
helps to get this off my chest.

I realize now a little love
was all you really needed
it was way too late when I was on my knees
I begged to you and I pleaded.

I wanted so much from you
I gave to you the least
I hope these words reach you
my love for you released.

Not that I didn’t love you
I didn’t know how to show
one last hug is all I need
maybe then I could let us go.

I want to hear your voice
always waiting on your call
I want to hear you’re okay
you still are standing tall.

I’ve quit a lot of things
one will never ever be you
I say you don’t care
you know what I’m going through.

All I know is you
you are all that was ever me
you have no idea how hard it is
hang it up, leave.

There’s a lesson to be learned in this
every kiss and every fight
it’s awful hard to see it
I’m alone again tonight.

Looking at a picture of us
one reflection is all I see
no matter what I do to try to see you
a reflection of only me.

[This message has been edited by kjmdrumz3 (06-06-2006 04:28 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 kjmdrumz3 - All Rights Reserved
kjmdrumz3
New Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 6
Maryland
1 posted 2006-06-06 05:49 PM


Critique is very much welcomed! Thanks.
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