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The Lady Came Riding
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Lady Came Riding |
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JoeSoss New Member
since 2006-05-28
Posts 2 |
Hi guys. This is my first real attempt at poetry, and I was looking for some good feedback. The poor punctuation/grammar is intentional, although I'm still not sure if I like it. Thanks for the help. The Lady Came Riding the lady came riding to fetch me that morning the light in the sky was still gray. I neither expected nor hoped to reject it Just watched unaffected in my heart, not a dread slow, methodical patient, and steady that's how the lady came riding that day. next came she to Alan, Harvard graduate, overworked he was driving to work, running late He never took note of the lady's approach thoughts raced as he drove to the drone of talk shows stealthily, swift with purpose and abandon that's how the lady came riding that day. now she sights Lisa, working mother, three children all her affections to them she paid she saw the lady near from her eye came a tear "Please, just one more year" realized her greatest fear regrettfully, sad heartlessly, trudging that's how the lady came riding that day. on the battlefield now, with the stench penetrating the hospital tent full of once lively men everyone saw her this whole band of brothers hide under their covers cry out for their mothers menacing, merciless with agenda and schedule that's how the lady came riding that day. |
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| © Copyright 2006 JoeSoss - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Just a first quick impression. I don't see any compelling reason for grammatical or punctuation errors. Are they really intentional or just a result of not being careful enough to correct? I agree that such a thing has merit where justified by the content or the speaker but I can't find such here. I think you would serve yourself and your writing to correct such problems before posting. If you have to explain that the errors are intentional then the poem has failed as such should be obvious to the reader. Otherwise, it just appears as ignorance, at best, or laziness at worst. |
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