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Critical Analysis #2
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Dragot
Junior Member
since 2006-04-30
Posts 11


0 posted 2006-05-25 10:40 PM



Ravioli – Apparently a Feast Only for a Victor

I played kick the can
The night before.
We all dressed in black
Or camouflage.
I was it, I stood
Covering the blue bouncy ball.
I’d step a few steps left,
Glance both directions,
“1…2…3…I see Scott beyond the bushes of the blue house.”
I’d take a few steps to the right,
“1…2…3…I see Amy beyond the truck.”
I took too long finding Amy,
My brother came around the corner running towards the ball,
“1…2…” as the ball sailed through the air, “3…I see Josh…”

I woke up the next day, after my loss,
I was hungry.
I tiptoed towards the kitchen.
I opened a can of ravioli, poured it in a bowl, and threw it in the microwave.
I knew my brother was downstairs.
A minute and a half passed,
The microwave dinged,
The steps creaked,
My heart raced.

Copyright 2006© Dragot

© Copyright 2006 Dragot - All Rights Reserved
YeshuJah
Member
since 2002-08-20
Posts 65
FL USA
1 posted 2006-05-26 09:14 PM


Interesting, to say the least. I'm reminded of something the late great Ray Charles said  - [I'm paraphrasing here] 'I like to make people feel what I feel' I think writing has to have the same ideal - especially in poetry where you don't have the luxury of developing the story and characters [as in a novel] to paint the reader a picture they can 'see'

I think the question is, Dragot, what do you want your reader to 'feel' when they read this poem?  The ending generates a bit of tension - and perhaps that's where the poem lives.  Just my 2 cents.

YeshuJah*)

loveislove
Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 59
USA
2 posted 2006-07-16 07:50 PM


wow...funky..lol....its interesting slightly peculiar....i cant say much else about it...lol

The more people that I can make EXTREMELY uncomfortable, the better

Skippyrick
Member
since 2006-05-16
Posts 150
Rohnert Park
3 posted 2006-07-26 08:17 PM


hi:

An ineresting read.  I read it twice trying to read more into it.  Trying to see more than just a childhood game.  all in all it seems sad like death in the family.  Yet I could not find any line that would sugest that any tragdy happened. mmmmm


Rick

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