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Critical Analysis #2

Southern Night

MsSouthernOrchid
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 192

0 posted 2006-03-04 12:36 PM

Southern Night

It's a balmy southern night
sitting on the porch,
feeling warm night air
mixed with cooling breezes,
the scent of Jasmine everywhere,
Fireflies light the night
weaving patterns,
paintings of flickering light,
while in the distance
a hoot owl
breaks the silence
of this perfect southern night.

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2006-03-04 04:17 PM

Nice post. Great imagery. I live in the mountains so I can relate to those beautiful nights

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

MsSouthernOrchid
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 192

2 posted 2006-03-05 01:30 AM

Thanks Keoni. Glad you liked it.

Undaunted
Junior Member

since 2006-03-31

Posts 10
Ohio, USA

3 posted 2006-04-03 02:41 PM

Hi MsSouthernOrchid,

I'm new to this sight and really liked this poem, so I'm going to add my thoughts.

Southern Night

It's a balmy southern night
sitting on the porch,
feeling warm night air
mixed with cooling breezes,
the scent of Jasmine everywhere,
Fireflies light the night( maybe instead of light the night, light the darkness? For some reason it seemed too soon to repeat the word "night". It seemed to slightly throw me off when reading.)
weaving patterns,
paintings of flickering light,(really nice imagery)
while in the distance
a hoot owl
breaks the silence
of this perfect southern night. (nice ending to a beautifuly described picture)

I really enjoyed this poem and don't see much in my eye that needs correcting. I do think you mentioned "night" a little too often which slightly took away from its effectiveness, but overall the serenity stays intact. I look forward to reading more of your poems.

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