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Critical Analysis #2
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MUSEconnieSEconnie
Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74
california

0 posted 2006-02-28 06:51 PM



(PLEASE EXCUSE CAPS>>>>I AM BLIND)


LOVE POISON

A CROWD OF CENTAURS
SURROUNDED THE TAPESTRY IN AWE
SILKY WOVEN GARLANDS OF STARS
DEPICTED A PATHWAY
ON A MOUNTAINSIDE
SLOPING SOFTLY TOWARDS
ASHADEDFLOWERING MEADOW
WHERE DEIANARA WAITED
FOR HER HEROIC HERCULES

HER FACE WAS ETCHED
WITH ANTICIPATION
SHE HELD A GOLDEN AMULET
STRUCK WITH HER OWN LIKENESS
A GIFT TO GRACE HIS CHEST

THEY HUNG THE TAPESTRY
IN THE GREAT HALL
WHERE HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE
KNELT AND WEPT
CLUTCHING A LOCK OF HIS HAIR
TO HER BREAST

SHE REMEMBERED HIS AGONY
HIS DEATH HAD BEEN HER FAULT...
THE FINELY FEATHERED ARROWS
INFUSED WITH HYDRA VENOM
HAD FOUND THEIR MARK
EASILY PIERCING THE BODY
OF THE MOLESTING CENTAUR
FREEING FRIGHTENED DEIANARA
FROM HIS TRATOROUS CLUTCHES

ON THE BLACK HEARTED
ADVICE OF THE DYING CENTAUR
SHE USED THE ENCHANTED BLOOD
FROM THE ARROWS AS A LOVE POTION
SMEARING IT ON HERCULES' TUNIC

THE HYDRA VENOM KISSED THE FIBERS
AND HERCULES' BRONZED SKIN

THE STING OF DEATH WAS
IMMEDIATELY UPON HIM
HIS MIND WAS CONFUSED
THOUGH HE LAID DYING
BEFORE HER HORRIFIED EYES
AT THAT MOMENT
HE FELT MORE LOVE
THAN HE EVER HAD
FOR HIS ACCIDENTAL MURDERESS



[This message has been edited by MUSEconnieSEconnie (03-01-2006 07:31 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 CONNIE HUGHES - All Rights Reserved
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
1 posted 2006-02-28 07:24 PM


Your critique message says to be brutally honest:

kill the all-caps.

MUSEconnieSEconnie
Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74
california
2 posted 2006-02-28 07:48 PM


I MAKE IT A HABIT TO READ BIOS BEFORE I REVIEW.
IT IS VERY HELPFUL.  FOR INSTANCE, I AM BLIND.
MY BIO STATES THAT.  THE CAPS HELP ME SEE SO
I DO NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH TOO MUCH WITH
COPY, PASTE,ENLARGE THEN DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN TO POST.  SOME OF MY EARLIER STUFF IS NOT IN CAPS BECAUSE I HAD NOT LOST THE SIGHT IN MY LEFT EYE AND PART OF IT IN MY RIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONEST REVIEW, BUT DID YOU LIKE THE POEM OR NOT?
LOVE LIGHT LAUGHTER
MUSEconnieHUES

I AM BLIND/I POST IN CAPS. FORGIVE IF THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE. A VOICE READER HELPS ME READ POSTS.  MY SCR-NAME POSTED WRONG, IT IS MUSEconnieHUES

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2006-02-28 08:34 PM


CONNIE~
WELCOME TO PIP~

I SHALL RESPOND IN CAPS TO YOU SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR YOU TO READ~

BLESS YOU FOR HAVING MORE COURAGE THAN MANY OF US MIGHT HAVE UNDER THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES~

I GREATLY ENJOYED YOUR ENTRANCE POEM~

THERE IS RICH IMAGERY IN YOUR THOUGHTS~

'SILKY WOVEN GARLANDS OF STARS
DEPICTED A PATHWAY
ON A MOUNTAINSIDE
SLOPING SOFTLY TOWARDS
ASHADEDFLOWERING MEADOW'


THAT IS JUST STUNNING~

AGAIN, WELCOME TO PIP ... WE ARE A WARM CIRCLE OF POETS WHO JOIN HANDS WITH OUR NEWCOMERS~

*HUGLETS*
~*MARGE*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -   noles1@totcon.com

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2006-02-28 08:54 PM


CONNIE

I'LL FOLLOW MARGE WITH CAP LETTERS FOR YOU TO READ.  I REALLY ENJOYED THE STORY IN THIS POEM AND THE IMAGERY.  WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2006-02-28 09:08 PM


WELCOME TO PASSIONS CONNIE..
I LOVE YOUR ENTRANCE POST!
I'M SURE YOU ARE GOING TO ENJOY IT HERE!!!

~SMILES & HUGS, NANCY~

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
6 posted 2006-02-28 09:33 PM


CONNIE - WELCOME TO PASSIONS IN POETRY!

I LIKED YOUR POEM HERE -- BUT I AM NOT ONE TO GIVE SERIOUS CRITIQUE.  KEEP WRITING AND I WILL BE WATCHING FOR MORE.

Trillium
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Member Patricius
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098
Idaho, USA
7 posted 2006-02-28 09:47 PM


HI CONNIE:

I LIKED YOUR POEM VERY MUCH AND WELCOME TO THE FORUM. NICE THAT YOU HAVE JOINED US AND I ADMIRE YOUR ABILITY AND ARTISTRY!

BETTY LOU (TRILLIUM)

Betty Lou Hebert

MUSEconnieSEconnie
Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74
california
8 posted 2006-02-28 10:09 PM


MANY THANKS EVERYONE.  I WILL LOOK FORWARD TO RETURNING THE FAVORS WITH MY HUMBLE REVIEWS.****DISCLAIMER:
I AM NEW AT DOING REVIEWS.
FORGIVE ME IF I SOUND TOO
HARSH.  A REVIEW IS ONLY
MY OPINION.
LOVE LIGHT LAUGHTER
MUSEconnieHUES

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
9 posted 2006-02-28 10:17 PM


WELCOME TO PASSIONS CONNIE!
DO YOU READ BRAILLE?
DO YOU USE THE JAWS PROGRAM?
I ENJOYED THE IMAGERY IN YOUR POEM VERY MUCH. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL STORY TELLER.  

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
10 posted 2006-02-28 10:31 PM


Welcome, Connie.

Your explanation makes sense - for what it's worth, I can't find in your bio where it says you are blind?

To be honest, however, that doesn't change my opinion. I too respect your courage and diligence in going forward with writing in spite of (or perhaps, because of?) your disability.

Poetry, at least to me, is part visual as well - while I certainly respect your choice to write in all caps, I find it distracting.

That being said, and with your explanation, keep it up - each of us are here to enjoy ourselves and there's no reason for you to listen to me and reduce your enjoyment!

For the poem itself - I have mixed feelings: it certainly reads like a Grecian story, replete with love and death (aren't those the common themes for all Greek... uhm... tragedies? But for that reason, it reads less like a poem.

Mind you, this is just my opinion (and we've already determined what that's worth, lol). I think a little less "standard" language could go a long way toward helping this become a better poem. The imagination is there, the ability to put cohesive meaning is there, so perhaps just a bit of tweaking with the language, perhaps, and it can go up yet another notch.

Once more, welcome to Passions - I feel comfortable that you'll find many a welcome and many an opinion on your work.

Peace,

Christopher

MUSEconnieSEconnie
Member
since 2006-02-28
Posts 74
california
11 posted 2006-02-28 11:09 PM


I ADJUSTED MY SIGNATURE TO REFLECT WHY I USE THE CAPS. I WILL TRY TO MENTION IT OFTEN SO NO ONE THINKS I AM SHOUTING>LOL!
PER THE POEM, I WILL CERTAINLY LOOK AT IT THROUGH YOUR EYES.  I AM LOOKING FOR THIS KIND OF FEED BACK. MANY THANKS MY FRIEND.
LOVE LIGHT LAUGHTER
YOU ARE DEFINATELY

MsSouthernOrchid
Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 192

12 posted 2006-03-03 01:24 AM


Hi Again Muse,
   I do not critique, but I do know what I enjoy and I enjoyed this poem. I think it's very good.

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