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Lost_and_in_love
New Member

since 2006-01-27

Posts 2
New York, USA

0 posted 2006-01-27 09:46 PM

Everlasting
By: Leah Gerstner

I'm like a leaf blowing in the wind,
Not knowing where I'm going to land,
Or who I will fall onto.

I know where i want to go,
But the wind feels like it is pushing me in another direction completely,
No matter how hard i try,
I'll never get there.

I want the wind to sweep me into your arms,
So I can feel like myself.
Every time i get an inch closer,
those strong gusts just take me away
And I have to start all over again.

You are my reason for not being crushed by the storm,
You are the reason for who I am now.
A single, lonely leaf floating throughout the air with nowhere to land.

I continue to wait for you to realize that my heart belongs to you,
And only you.
But it has taken so long,
I'm almost at the point where all I do is cry myself to sleep.

Why does love hurt so much,
When it is such a strong feeling,
That can make someone feel so special.

All I ever dream of doing is showing you how much i care,
But you'll never understand.
And when you suspect that there are feelings,
You make it seem like loving someone as great as you is a crime.

If you loved me even half as much,
I would be the happiest girl in the world.
I couldn't even begin to imagine,
What a different person your love could make me.

Every time I try to help you because i care,
You make it seem like I am trying to hurt you,
When in reality,
I'm trying to help you from hurting yourself.
When you push me away,
I know that's when you are needing me the most,
And it kills me to know you don't realize that.

You are my life, my heart, my soul,
and no matter what happens,
How much you change,
How far you go,
How old we get,
I will always love you,
Forever.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2006-01-27 11:15 PM

Hi Leah and welcome to PIP and the CA forum. Hang around and read a bit and write some more too.

I won't go too deep on your first post but to say that it is too wordy and too prosey. Other than the extended metaphor of the leaf in the wind, you have made little use of imagery. IMO, free verse needs something more to set it apart from prose.

Thanks,
Pete

playing.with.crayons
Member

since 2006-01-02

Posts 362
Neverland

2 posted 2006-01-29 01:19 AM

I agree with Pete, some of the lines are just far too long and wordy. It reads more like a letter than a poem. More imagery and metaphors can bring out the best in the emotion which is obviously there.
In any case, welcome to Pip! keep writing pal, and read around in different forums.
cheye xxx

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