Poem for Mom... - pipTalk Forums

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Critical Analysis #2

Poem for Mom...

Baba Michi
Junior Member

since 2005-12-07

Posts 40
Southern Germany

0 posted 2005-12-10 11:41 AM

The rest of the house
was quiet when she played,
for her spider-fingers
on piano keys,
for the soft light charming dust
to rest in the evening sun-
we kept quiet;
We crept close.

It was my mother
who called the angels
with the mournful strains
of moonlight sonata,
their heads bowed
at its passage through the hallways...

And I remember her face,
full and deep as the music,
perfect in its concentration.

For that we stopped speaking,
for the intensity with which
she surrendered her spirit,
her instrument an altar,
keys flexed and humming
against her slender hands,
a sweet birth of music flooding the air
and the lonely ether between worlds,

to her husband in the kitchen,
and her sons creeping downstairs like cats
to hear their mother play.

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

1 posted 2005-12-10 11:05 PM

in teresting imagery, but it often reads like split up sentences.

work on some rythm or surprise, something to break it jagged to tighten it into some form. right now, though having intersting imagery, it reads drowsy.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

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