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Critical Analysis #2
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Riddle
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Riddle |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA 
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What bites back are not the questions without answers, But the perception that you are wrong and not sane anymore, Leave this delusion stage of life and accept the right path, Mark today as your old life’s epitaph, Be born again, not in the Christian sense, Rather, a being that was locked up in a cell, After so long, you have tasted freedom, Grant you are not calm; give it but some time, Patience leads to no grander reward- But to events that unfold intermittently, As you chime your way in one mode of thought, Remember, each one has its perfect spot, Lack not courage now that you have earned- The knowledge that once fueled your passion, Desires are always left unfed to the outer eye, The inner soul sees what is rationally apparent, Now divide yourself in two halves- And trust neither one completely, For when moderation exceeds it own boundary, Who is to say which half is proper, Volunteer for this now, for the shackles are gone, The ones you formed along the way with intent, In a rush to confine to your “cell” , The idea of a key was never questioned, Till I give you a riddle to solve, What requires a key to lock? But does not for it to be unlocked… I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality. |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
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Dominique-Simone Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643 |
Good write.. Best line "Mark today as your old life’s epitaph," |
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quickbeats New Member
since 2005-11-14
Posts 1 |
'As you chime your way in one mode of thought, Remember, each one has its perfect spot,' Since there seems to be no rhyme scheme throughout most of the piece I found introducing a rhyming segment really throws off the whole of the piece. The ideas expressed in the poems are of significant weight to many, but I think alot of that power gets really lost in the wordiness of the poem. You use alot of images, but it is far too easy to tie many of them together. Perhaps by eliminating needless words, and possibly varying the sentences to express their own ideas better, or to bring more of a focus (of course theyshould all tie together to work as a whole in the end, but each line or stanza should be able to stand on its own). This should remove the dialogue aspect to it that sounds relatively forced (mixing 'words of wisdom' in dialogue and trying to throw in as many images as possible really strikes out as being forced. It seems unnatural. Wisdom usually tends to be dug deeply out of something, not sitting on the front porch with milk and the paper). Other than that you have a good concept to continue to branch from. Perhpas if this is frustrating to revise try taking a different approach to the same concept. |
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HAZMATTO Junior Member
since 2005-11-24
Posts 14 |
I agree with Quickbeats on the cadence and writing pattern. Combining rhymes in the midlle of the storyline makes for a difficult read. Thought pattern is very good and descriptive but it's to easy to get lost in all the words. try consolidating a little bit. Good effort and keep writing. |
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