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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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reverbs |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia 
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Strings and drumbeats of time, heart and soul captured, enraptured by an ancient’s rhyme crashing waves of notes carrying me hypnotically to epiphany, and beyond while Kitaro and Jarrett play my soul, the heart beats in time within Nakai, Eaton, Clipman, Nawang, for tonight I reside "In a Distant Place" as through the chords of life I am eased along the pathway of me to another time and space, a place that is holier than the Mount, climbing olive trees ablaze within a golden maze of all that is human and godly conjoined, immersed in the bassline one enormous crescendo of echo that reverberates within the vein of Life. I am the chord, even when detached. [This message has been edited by Midnitesun (04-06-2005 11:45 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2005 Kathleen Kacy Stafford - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Have to admit that I enjoyed this more than the snakes poem. Again, I thought it was just a little too wordy but did not have the prose feel. I thought the second half flowed particularly well. Interesting note, on first reading, I thought bassline was a typo  Well written and enjoyable. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Thanks for the feedback, Pete. I tend to write spontaneous combustion style, but have recently decided it's time to polish up the posts a bit, and in Open, I rarely get critiques. I have many rough edges to smooth, and appreciate suggestions. I am not sure how to stop myself from being too prosey, too wordy, other than to think/write more like I do when writing in haiku/senryu/tanka format. I am frequently guilty of telling, rather than showing. |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Hiya midnitewarmth... the poem is spiritual. Strike one against me, 'cos I happen not to be that kind of way. The poem reads -just beautifully-. However, I see perhaps some metaphor which I find hard to understand concretely. Also the names mentioned: some/most, really are unfamiliar to me. (not -your- fault, that) Jarret I know, because I'm a piano tuner by day. That takes me to the closing line. (Oh how anti-spiritual this next will sound!... grin) but... a "chord" (string) just cannot vibrate if detached. It goes limp and as dead/non-resonant as a wet noodle. We must be strung and tensioned in order to sing. -You- do this. Your heart cannot sing if slacked. Slack is dead. You're not. So...the metaphor there is a malaprop (to piano technicians, anyway) I am glad to see you here in critical. It's gotten more lively of late--- yaaaaay! "owatagosiam" (say it five times quick as you can, every reader) |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
LOL, you are hilarious, netsky. Bugging me about a malaprop? LOL. You are correct, of course. It isn't metaphorically a good choice, especially if one takes 'chord' solely as a musical term, which is fair considering the title, the spelling, and the music references. In the end, I am guilty of switching to an 'umbilical' intent, though the spelling should have been 'cord' if I wanted the reader to jump that metaphor boundary. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.  Though I am not religious, I often write with a spiritual flavor. For me, life is a spiritual experience. Thanks for taking time to read and offer valuable input.  |
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