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Passions in Poetry

The Open Mouth Of My Youth

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b.costen
Member
since 11-02-2003
Posts 107
ontario, CAN


0 posted 01-10-2005 10:37 AM       View Profile for b.costen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for b.costen

i was on the beach
my mom said i swallowed the beach
as a child
and brought my brotherís skull
ear to ear and seashelled
the sound of the sand

dirt between my teeth
grit and grind in my head
in my ears
the type of sound where you block off your sinuses
and the only sound you listen for
is the sound of yourself

everything becomes like a tub
a breath is a scuba suck
a big toe is an indian drum
a glass set down is a clank on the soul
óthis brotherís shell
a simple human skull
gives me wind of his inner voice
and i swallow it hole

i was on the beach
mom said i swallowed the beach
i dug an arm out of my ribcage
and drummed to the seashell swish
of my empty skull
yellowed by sand and sun
dusty with the specks of dry cells
© Copyright 2005 ben costen - All Rights Reserved
davidmerriman
Member
since 04-30-2003
Posts 124
Dallas, TX


1 posted 01-22-2005 05:03 PM       View Profile for davidmerriman   Email davidmerriman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit davidmerriman's Home Page   View IP for davidmerriman

i really like it. surrealistic realism.
b.costen
Member
since 11-02-2003
Posts 107
ontario, CAN


2 posted 01-23-2005 10:20 PM       View Profile for b.costen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for b.costen

thank you sir

so what's it going to be then, eh?

netsky
Member
since 03-29-2005
Posts 141
Miami


3 posted 03-29-2005 05:11 PM       View Profile for netsky   Email netsky   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for netsky

First, quick read.  

this is original in form and texture to me.. it's surreeal, yes, in some ways.

I think that I see some message peeking through (I do)

In fact, the savor of the poem makes good readings and stimulates my imagination, too.  

I can't yet crit the poem; must let it distill in me for a while.

I can say this: odd poems with kindly intent grab me by the collar.  This is one such poem.

Grit crunch good, prodigal boy.

So, is a good read. I shall return to this and -add crit- if I can find anything to complain or explain about.

thanks,
reid

b.costen
Member
since 11-02-2003
Posts 107
ontario, CAN


4 posted 03-29-2005 09:20 PM       View Profile for b.costen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for b.costen

thanks Reid, please don't hesitate to complain; i've also posted some new stuff just today--hope you enjoy

so what's it going to be then, eh?

netsky
Member
since 03-29-2005
Posts 141
Miami


5 posted 04-02-2005 04:30 AM       View Profile for netsky   Email netsky   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for netsky

back to this poem... I'm mused by your keen abstractions. I'll jest or -ask- between your lines:

===

i was on the beach
my mom said i swallowed the beach
as a child
and brought my brotherís skull
ear to ear and seashelled
the sound of the sand

*true grit/crunch.  Mom is bemused that you were never becalmed as a child*


dirt between my teeth
grit and grind in my head
in my ears
the type of sound where you block off your sinuses

*eustachian tubes when blocked are the cause of that watery drum sound*


and the only sound you listen for
is the sound of yourself

*keen, good*


everything becomes like a tub
a breath is a scuba suck

*good again*


a big toe is an indian drum

*toe?  tow? undertoe? toto run! this is just plain silly metaphor, but cute and in keeping with much to come*


a glass set down is a clank on the soul
óthis brotherís shell
a simple human skull
gives me wind of his inner voice
and i swallow it hole

*hole.. empty skull... whole... is a pun... OK*


i was on the beach
mom said i swallowed the beach

*nice place in the poem for reiteration*


i dug an arm out of my ribcage
and drummed to the seashell swish
of my empty skull

*now, it's -your- empty skull? Yo-kayyy*


yellowed by sand and sun

*OH, future view of a hearing*

dusty with the specks of dry cells

*going to dust and dirt and grit, all of us.
a fine finish*


==did I get the gist well enough?
b.costen
Member
since 11-02-2003
Posts 107
ontario, CAN


6 posted 08-03-2013 01:22 AM       View Profile for b.costen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for b.costen

netsky looking now at this and all of your invested feedback it means a lot to me that you cared enough to give me feedback of such high quality. i hope all is well with you.
b.costen will be notified of replies
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