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Critical Analysis #2
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b.costen
Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107
ontario, CAN

0 posted 2004-11-22 04:24 PM


i like your smile
like an old girlfriend or something
you should be shot
smiling
just so the whole world
could see it on the news

© Copyright 2004 ben costen - All Rights Reserved
~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
1 posted 2004-12-09 12:48 PM


short, and sweet! perfect.
cynicsRus
Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!
2 posted 2004-12-10 12:17 PM


>>you should be shot
smiling

just so the whole world
could see it on the news<<


>short, and sweet! perfect.[?]<


You're kidding, right?


Sid  
If you must carp: Carpe diem!

~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
3 posted 2004-12-10 12:40 PM


it suited my taste.
b.costen
Member
since 2003-11-02
Posts 107
ontario, CAN
4 posted 2004-12-10 09:05 PM


cynic, i assume you were attacking the fact that she found it sweet, not the shortness or quality of the poem?

so what's it going to be then, eh?

cynicsRus
Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!
5 posted 2004-12-11 01:17 AM


quote:
cynic, i assume you were attacking the fact that she found it sweet, not the shortness or quality of the poem?

so what's it going to be then, eh?

You assume much too hastily. Simple comments seeking clarity needn't be taken as an attack.

Regarding the poem: It comes across as neither sweet nor perfect--just a bit weird. Apparently, the dual meaning was lost on the Dreamchild.
Furthermore, the vague imagery in L2 conveys a sort of laziness at this point.

"Short and sweet" is hardly a critique.



Sid  
If you must carp: Carpe diem!

~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
6 posted 2004-12-11 03:25 AM


sums up my critique to a t. it is short. and i thought it was sweet. you may find it just weird, but i understand it in a different light, as will each of any individuals.

i just offer my opinion,
if that's ok...

cynicsRus
Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!
7 posted 2004-12-11 12:51 PM


Such "critiques" (and I use the term loosely here), offer nothing in the way of depth--which is what this forum was about, not so long ago.
Critics, (again...loosely), such as yourself, offering the familiar, vague, innocuous "opinions" are helping shape this forum into just another average, general poetry web forum.

Sid  
If you must carp: Carpe diem!

epoet
Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291
grand rapid,MI, usa
8 posted 2004-12-13 09:07 AM


It is short.  In my opinion, too short.  Obviously there is something that angered you to write this.  Expand upon that feeling.  Was this an ex?  What did this person do to anger you? Why do you want this person to be seen suffering in front of the whole world?  These are questions that are left hanging for me.

P. J. Kotrch
carpe diem
A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love



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