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Critical Analysis #2
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Verve
Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 348
Singapore

0 posted 2004-08-24 09:46 AM



Feel not……

the wintry breath of an endless night

but the lethal chill of a thousand lies,

the reckless cruelty of deliberate deceit.

See not……

the angelic brilliance of a perfect moon

but the ambivalence of a vague vow,

the tortured mind of a soul doomed.

Hear not……

the melodious strains of a skilful violin

but the distant echoes of a starry ballad,

the vicious irony of a love song.

Understand now……

the eternal brutal beauty of truth,

the inexorable evanescence of love,

the inconsequential cursory of life.



"Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Man?"


[This message has been edited by Verve (08-25-2004 03:15 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 Regina Ng C. L. - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
1 posted 2004-08-24 02:27 PM


Well, talk about the inner pessimist... you're being a bit to obvious. Love isn't always tortured and bad, although sometimes it feels that way.... you'll generally do better with shades of grey than a mood of stark black. Oh, and feel not? hear not? It doesn't work... try using phrasing a little more natural- I mean, it doesn't have to be like everyday speech, but inversions like that smack of arrogance (to me at least...)

Hope I've helped.

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