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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Bienvenue |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land 
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I plucked the daisy. If the feathers fall i might still have yellow- butter to press my steps into. It can't keep collapsing. People make geometric shapes as they walk, and see me in the glass. I shall kiss, rip, smudge lipstick on that magazine cover. and see me in the glass. For my eyes are budgoning plastics, you smile, I run. And they collapse around me |
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| © Copyright 2004 Claire Lucille - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LucidityNow Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 118Canada |
Wow. So abstract, incredibly abstract imagery. I enjoyed the poem, although I dare not say I understood it much. A short explanation might be nice? One thing, a spelling error - "budgeoning" is what you wanted i think. and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me... |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land |
"bludgeoning" actually, sorry about that, i was so sure i'd corrected the typo! thanks for the comments, this is just pure teenage angst if that helps. I'd love to tell you what spurred it on, but its been a while now since i wrote it. |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
This was great, my friend. Even better than that. jwesley |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
"It can't keep collapsing. People make geometric shapes as they walk, and see me in the glass. I shall kiss, rip, smudge lipstick on that magazine cover. and see me in the glass.", this says to me that the narrator fells like they dont fit in , like they are trying so hard to fit in, be seen, but like a pane of glass they just get seen through. "For my eyes are budgoning plastics, you smile, I run. And they collapse around me" i think that the narrator wants to see themselves but their eyes dont work they are 'plastic', its as if they want to see but cant, so they run away because that is they only safe refuse they know Beauty is truth, truth beauty |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
I plucked the daisy. If the feathers fall i might still have yellow- butter to press my steps into. I love this part and how you used to refer to the petals as "feathers" and "yellow butter".  |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land |
eor and J.Samm, i forgot to tick "be notified of replies" so only just saw your lovely comments. eor, your interpretation is pretty correct and lovely to hear. and J.Samm, thanks thank you both for your time... |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
I wonder... just slightly wonder why... why you didn't use a punctuation mark (a period?) for the last line; particularly since you have punctuated each line your choice, as a writer, of course... but I am wondering... Regards Sudhir |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land |
well spotted. they collapse around me : loss of structure. you're the only one that's paid attention to punctuation so far though, so i might put back a full stop. cheers for taking time to answer... |
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