Is that a Fleck of Blonde Hair?

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Critical Analysis #2

Is that a Fleck of Blonde Hair?

Craw
Member

since 2003-09-11

Posts 73
Scotland

0 posted 2004-04-29 05:32 AM

Summer is the time
for fat fools to cook up fantasies
in stews of wine ands sunshine.

That blaze of light, spliced
with grave birdsong
is more deadly than diaries:

it speaks to that dull
part embedded the dark days
like some animal,

too old, surely, for another June
but still staggering gamely
into the headlamps of the sun.

gourdmad
Member

since 2003-12-01

Posts 136
Upper Ohio Valley

1 posted 2004-04-29 12:18 PM

Another good effort. I am wondering tho, in the following verse, if there shouldn't be something between "embedded the" like an "in" or "from" or at least a comma.As is it seems to break the flow when I have to puzzle out what is meant, whereas usually you are so clear and concise.

it speaks to that dull
part embedded the dark days
like some animal,

Yejun
Junior Member

since 2007-11-21

Posts 49

2 posted 2007-11-25 07:01 PM

Overall, a very nice work, but I agree with Gourdman.

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