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The Doctor
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Doctor |
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Katy Rose Junior Member
since 2003-11-25
Posts 13 |
This is a universe of eyes that burn and break and spill their secrets. Where beating hearts are bleeding in the streets, And even children's chubby cheeks are charred with scars and darkness. He spins a sacraficial sheath of souls, In gold, and other untold rosy hues. His muse is deep and sleeping, breathing tears and tearing time like paper. A mother's love turns monstrous in the face, of this unhappy race, Of Women; whores and wives and witches casting spells to wash away the night time wail. The dream of death, to no avail. His knowledge is the God they seek, with meek mild smiles, They go like sheep, and seek for him to mend their broken hearts. He is apart. And answers questions never asked. But even sheep can turn the chase on woolly fate. Though late, Awake. With more to teach than learn. The Women dance in pieces. And watch him burn. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Katy Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
It's late and I'm getting a bit groggy so not much coherent to say. My first impression though was the rhythm flowed ever so smoothly...until the last line. IMHO it simply has to be fixed. Compare the sounds: The Women dance in pieces. And watch him burn. The Women dance in pieces just to watch him burn. See what a difference just a little change can make in flow. |
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
I like this, and agree that the last line could be improved. There are several alternatives that would work quite well. You know, I'd really love to see the answers to the three questions posed about your poem "Sorry." I've been curious for some time now. Keep it up. |
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