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Aromas
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Aromas |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
Aromas smell of a nonfiction book read in the year of its copyright with only a single stamp on the Due Date sheet taped to the back of the last page differs from sawdust fresh from a sharp blade passed thru debarked sap filled logs that once scented air with promises of pollen Madeleine memories |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
I like the juxtaposition of the two images. The picture of a once read library book is nice, and the due date sheet brings back memories of elementary school before computers were everywhere. I also liked the image in the second stanza, but (on the initial read), "debarked / sap filled logs" seemed awkward. It reads easier now that I've gone through it several times, but it still strikes me as a stumbling block in the flow of the poem. I would consider rewording that phrase. I think debarked is the word that breaks the flow for me. Also, I have to plead ignorance on the ending. Is it a personal reference, or an allusion to something else? If it's a personal reference, I don't think it adds to the poem. I'm all for mystery and phrases that make the reader think about their meanings, but this strikes me as something that should mean something very specific, but what, I cannot know because of its relation to you only. Does that make sense? Of course, if this is an allusion to something else, then I missed it, but that is more my problem than yours. Though, if many people miss it, consider that it might be too obscure. But I did like the poem very much. Thanks for posting it, I hope my muddled comments have been some help. Ryan in heaven, |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
Madeleine cake of Proust fame. I hesitated to use it for fear for getting the "cliche" label hung on it, never expected the opposite response. Debarked, hmm, I guess for city folk that may be an uncommon thing; it's mill procedure, they bebark before milling so dirt or stones caught in the bark during dragout doesn't dull the blade. They may not even bebark when pulping. |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
My problem with debark isn't the meaning of the word. It's just the way the word reads in this poem. Several times I've read it, and that has been the spot that trips me up. Maybe separating the adjectives debarked and sap filled would help. Maybe something like this: differs from sawdust fresh from a sharp blade passed thru logs, debarked and sap filled, Just another possible way to word that stanza. As for the last line, engineering students don't get much of a literature background at school here. But I did some research, and I see how it fits in and why it is there. I like how it ties the two images together and provides a justification for the whole poem. You see one thing, and it sets you off into a chain of thoughts. Knowing all of that though, I still have problems with the line. It seems as if it is just sitting there, a separate fragment from the rest of the poem. It almost strikes me as another title to the poem, stuck at the end. Maybe use a couple more lines to flesh out the idea of Madeleine memories, that might give the poem a more impactful (a word?) ending. More muddled thoughts, maybe they will help. Ryan in heaven, |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
I have to agree with Ryan (but, I too am not familiar with the person in the last line).  |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I first read the 'Madeline' bit as a personal memory... a reference to a long-gone romance. I like it, I think it rounds the poem off nicely, myself. Kind of agreeing with Ryan on debarked... just sounds odd... the word bark in there reminds me of dogs... maybe it's just me. Also, I would probably add the word 'the' to the beginning, just to start it out a little smoother. Other than those tiny nitpicks, I really liked this... the cascade of image into memory, of detail into brevity... it just all worked out really well. |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
Okay, here is the dedebarked version. Actually took me a few days to work this out(well,the calm time found in bits and pieces over a few days), even went and researched the chipping for pulp process. Did you know that Finland is the best source for used pulping equipment? :-) the smell of a nonfiction book read in the year of its copyright with only a single stamp on the Due Date sheet taped to the back of the last page differs from chips fresh from a sharp blade passed thru sap filled pulping logs that once scented air with promises of pollen Madeleine memories |
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