navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Id Forbid
Critical Analysis #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic Id Forbid Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
J.Samm
Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415
Iloilo City, Philippines

0 posted 2004-03-12 11:06 PM


Come with me, barely breathing
Into that pitch- black space in your mind
Into that core of your being
that you dared not find

Let us strip each other naked in that dark womb
void of any measure or distinction
and to the beckoning force let us succumb:
two souls yearning to dance in immortal union.



© Copyright 2004 Jasmine Sagge - All Rights Reserved
eminor_angel
Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323
Canada
1 posted 2004-03-15 07:31 PM


Nice. I like how your use of rhyme isn't heavy-handed or obvious (a pet peeve of mine). I'll come back for a deeper critique when time allows. Good stuff.
Grover
Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada
2 posted 2004-03-16 10:40 AM


Very good work here! I enjoyed this poem.

The opening, " Come with me, barely breathing
Into that pitch- black space in your mind," speaks of inviting the subject into his/her own mind while assuming the writer is already there. Original!

The line, "Let us strip each other naked in that dark womb," is excellent as well (but so are all the lines). There is so much imagery packed into it.

The best to you, J.Samm with this gem.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Id Forbid

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary