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Critical Analysis #2
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thoughts on walking
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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thoughts on walking |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
thoughts on walking i. on a sunny day in 1963, the town of Strawn picked up and moved for drier ground and better days. the highways had never seen such a convoy, like Hannibal and his elephants crossing the Alps for the glory of a ghost town Carthage. ii. i saw it between classes, scrawled across an empty corner of the sidewalk like some desperate plea. Weather Club Thursdays 7pm then it was gone, lost in a swirl of rainbow chalk colors, and forgotten. iii. "this is quite enough" he screamed with gun in one hand and justice in the other. but he was still young and did not know his quest would come to nothing. in heaven, |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Nice thoughts on walking... original, nice images! Grover. |
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
this is the best poem i have read on here in the past month. there is so much i love about it, i don't even know where to begin. please forgive me if i leave something out, but my eyes are straining from several hours of russian history homework. "on a sunny day in 1963, the town of Strawn picked up and moved for drier ground and better days." i love the image of an entire town picking up and moving. i like the mention of drier ground that seems to be echoed in the next pair of stanzas. "the highways had never seen such a convoy, like Hannibal and his elephants crossing the Alps for the glory of a ghost town Carthage." this part is where i got particularly interested in the poem. great imagery. ii. "i saw it between classes, scrawled across an empty corner of the sidewalk like some desperate plea. Weather Club Thursdays 7pm" this is heartbreaking. there is such loneliness conveyed here. i also like the shift from third to first person. including this sad, brief moment in the poem is incredibly poignant. "then it was gone, lost in a swirl of rainbow chalk colors, and forgotten." i was instantly reminded of the sidewalk chalk advertisements at my college. adds to the feeling of loneliness already set forth in this section, very powerful. "iii. "this is quite enough" he screamed with gun in one hand and justice in the other. but he was still young and did not know his quest would come to nothing." there are certain things l like about the ending and certain things i don't. i don't feel as though it's as well-written as the rest of the poem. i don't feel that it has the imagery or the strength of the rest of the poem. i found myself like the "gun/justice" bit, even though i find it a bit trite. overall, a very good poem. i simply love the second part. great work. |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
grassy ninja: You are right about the 3rd section of the poem. The first 4 lines were scribbled down in a particularly boring class. The last 4 were thrown on to sort of flesh it out. Thanks for the comments and critiques. They'll help when I go back to work on this some more. Ryan (Also, I am glad that you thought of sidewalk chalk ads during part 2. It's election month for student govt. here at my school, and the things are everywhere.) in heaven, everything is fine |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I'm going to keep asking this until I get a response: GROVER- do you actually ever critique anything? Anyway, Ryan... what school do you go to? (I go to a really small private nursing school, and I'm insatiably jealous of poeple who go to REAL schools, where students actually care about stuff besides an eventual career.) To the poem... I'm interested in this... I assume you're a college kid, like me... 1963? Is this about one of your parents? Or is it just set in the past? Or are you just a going-back-to-school adult? Anyway, I really like the first two stanzas. The first reminds me of the movie Northfork, and the second does have a sort of pervasive lonliness attached. I like the sparseness of your style, and the wording you use, especially: 'picked up and moved for drier ground and better days.' Now the third part? I just don't get it. Images of Columbine come to mind... really out of sync with the previous two parts. Hope I've helped. |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
I'm a normal college student (22), and I graduate this year. When I was younger, my family used to take trips to an old farm where my grandparents grew up, and we always drove through this small town called New Strawn. I remember asking where the original Strawn was, and my dad explained how it had been flooded over when they built a dam and created a reservoir. I'd never heard of the movie Northfork before, so I went to look it up. The similarities of the plot suprised me, now I have to go search it out and watch it. 1963 is just the year they built the dam. I'm torn very much on the 3rd part. On one hand, I like it a lot and think it expresses what I was trying to say (of course I suppose I should, since I wrote it). But I can see how it doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem. I have a lot of thinking to do on that section. Thanks for your input. Ryan oh yeah, I almost forgot. I go to Kansas State University. It is nice and big, though I would argue most people here only care about careers too (we are the engineering and agriculture school, KU is the liberal arts activist school of KS). in heaven, |
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croyles Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 102 |
I only understand the first two stanzas, the rest are a bit too awkward for my understanding. It was a great, original, imaginative poem. |
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