Lady of the Mountain High Sun

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Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2004-02-27 08:39 AM

Lady of the Mountain High Sun

In a light that does not greet
All eyes, nor ayes, for
When those who live for themselves
Feign sleep, to slumber one minute more,
Who will miss this wake in their own wake,

She arises.

The last of the evening stars are fading
Into a high blue twilight of morn,
Turning purple
With age of hours,
Her time is now, to greet, to greet

For low in creeps sun toward horizon’s skies
And she, first to see blendings
Of purple to lavender then pinkening so
With gold a rim of gilt in shine
And breath is caught upon an edge,

For the green begin of it glimpsed itself,
Then in sudden reticent, ran,
Finding refuge in her eyes…

And lodged itself for another day.

The smile is there upon her lips,
Sun now in rise, winking in glory, beginning its cross,
As high from the mount our Lady revels,
Thirsting for the white of day
In which all shall glory

Indeed.

Sacred air, rarified, oh to sense such pure,
And delve in light harmoniously,
Watching ice crystals become droplets
Of liquefied colorful curves in sky,
But holding on to the white of a
Snow-dropped flower in begin.

Indeed.

First greeting of day carries this Lady along
Mountain rim in ring of sound, and chime,
Tibetan bells sounding distantly, as in
Rising high to greet the light…
They swell their

Welcome, welcome…

With ringing dwelling, echoing among valleys snowdrops,
Rising again, then laying among
The green of high spring, and lamb’s song.

She is there, in rarified air,
Our Lady Of the Mountain High Sun…
For she sends it on for all who might greet dawn,
Then will rest in the light
Of all mountains, on high.

She awaits the shadows in light.

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

1 posted 2004-02-27 01:52 PM

Very well written. Excellent contrasts, images! Grover.

cynicsRus
Senior Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!

2 posted 2004-02-28 01:37 AM

Just picking a few nits—for what it’s worth:

All eyes, nor ayes, for
Who will miss this wake in their own wake,
These lines would be just as good—in my mind, stronger—without the homonymic additions.

Her time is now, to greet, to greet   This seems, (imo), an unnecessary repetition.

And she, first to see blendings       This, is an awkward modifier.
Of purple to lavender then pinkening so    Again, awkward.

For the green  begin of it glimpsed itself,       Using a verb in place of noun always seems amateurish in my mind.
Then in sudden  reticent , ran,        …as does using an adj in place of noun

And lodged itself for another day.    There is a sudden, unexplained shift in tense here.

The smile is there upon her lips,
Sun now in  rise , winking in glory, beginning its cross,     Saying an otherwise simple statement in an uncommon way doesn’t particularly make it more interesting.

Sacred air, rarified, oh to sense such  pure ,     adj in place of noun

Snow-dropped flower in begin .    verb in place of noun

Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com
www.primetimerhyme.com

J.Samm
Member

since 2004-01-12

Posts 415
Iloilo City, Philippines

3 posted 2004-02-29 11:09 PM

I like the way you placed short lines in between stanzas. The lines work in different ways too-- some convey mystery, others, resolution.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2004-03-02 05:05 PM

Sid, thank you so much for picking my nits.

quote:
All eyes, nor ayes, for
Who will miss this wake in their own wake,

This was for those who are slug-abeds, and refuse to get up to greet the dawn. Whether that helps with your thinking or not, this was my intent. They can easily be left out.

quote:
Her time is now, to greet, to greet

My attempt at expressing great joy, and I have this inane habit of repeating my words when I am extremely happy. Again, this can be removed.

quote:
blendings/pinkenings

The sound of this suited me, and I am one of those irritating people who imagine a word in a different context. Webster would love me.

quote:
begin, reticent

See above. Also, going for some sense of rhythm, rhyme. I am not eager to remove these, but if a bunch of others climbed on your wagon, I would capitulate...

Thanks so much for your suggestions!

J.Samm and Grover, thank you for reading and your kind comments!

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