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Penny,1984
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Penny,1984 |
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A B S T R A C T Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 27-=NYC=- |
This is a piece that I wrote in midlate 2003 when I just started writing poetry. It is a concept that went a little downhill. I came up with it after thinking what would happen if I licked a penny. The penny travels over many years into many people's hands (hence 1984). I didn't really stick to the subject too well. BTW, my brother told me that Poe has a poem that describes a coin's travels. Tell me if its true. "Penny, 1984" (2003) Good penny, 1984 Once bronze, darkened by tainted hands Lincoln did not imagine that The paper ocean would consume the living sands The penny lives In the deepest pockets of man's fears Its journey, felt by many Or was its texture felt in one hand for twenty years? Good penny, 1984 With no fingers to grasp a knife Why do you rest responsible When people are the ones who destroy life? The penny means much Its clink is the battle drums of war Even Lincoln's deeds Did not liberate us from the paper monster's claws Good penny, 1984 You have aged with new color found You may look different But the world is the same and you are still round |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Good effort! Grover. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I'm not exactly sure how a penny can be good...? I think your first two stanzas are pretty good... I like the imagery and flow of them. But here's where I think it starts to get kind of trite: 'Good penny, 1984 With no fingers to grasp a knife Why do you rest responsible When people are the ones who destroy life?' Maybe it's just me here, but I have a very comical image in my head of a penny with a hand, swiping a knife at someone. That's probably not what you intended- you might want to consider another way of making this point. (Although I'd still argue with you... nobody actually says "money" literally killed someone... but it's a tremendous motivating factor.) 'The penny means much Its clink is the battle drums of war Even Lincoln's deeds Did not liberate us from the paper monster's claws' I think you're trying to be ironic here with 'paper monster' but I think it's too melodramatic, especially since you just said earlier, why blame money? Also, I don't see what about the civil war would have liberated us from monetary concerns. If anything, now the southern farmers were more concerned about money, seeings how they didn't have an influx of free labor anymore. 'Good penny, 1984 You have aged with new color found You may look different But the world is the same and you are still round' This just seems like a sweet little sum-up... doesn't really pack any kind of a punch or anything. Have you thought about making parallels with this to Orwell's 1984? Hope I've helped. |
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