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Critical Analysis #2

Growing down

Endlessecho
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 398
I live within myself

0 posted 2004-02-09 03:28 PM

Regression is a state of progression
Just in another direction.

Growing down.
Going down.

Fading back into what was
Doesn’t erase what is.

Finally made it
Only to find it in front of you again.

Going forward
Brings you back.

Lessons learned over and over again.
Thought I heard this once before.

Keeping pace
Keeping face

Make your peace
Before entering the revolving door.

Recollection is a way of reflection
Just in a previous direction.

Never quite able to make the connection.

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

1 posted 2004-02-09 05:35 PM

Thought provoking, diction flows very well. I enjoyed this poem! Grover.

b.costen
Member

since 2003-11-02

Posts 107
ontario, CAN

2 posted 2004-02-09 10:16 PM

I'd have to say the first line definitely grabbed my attention. It made me want to keep on reading what you had... but i was dissapointed you didn't have any equally amazing lines for me that would have made this thing publishable. There is that line (2nd last i think) that does embellish the ending quite a bit, and is the 2nd best line, but on the whole it was somewhat downhill from the beginning. I say this only because I think you could fix this though.
ben

so what's it going to be then, eh?

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

3 posted 2004-02-10 12:12 PM

I like this- it makes me think of 'Flowers for Algernon'.

When I read the first 2 lines, I instantly wanted to say "No it's not" but you managed to make a controversial statement and then kind of back it up... present it in a way that made me think about exactly what you meant. There seems to be a clear relationship between progression, time, and movement here, and I like that too.

My only suggestion is to drop the last three lines. I think they are overkill.

Hope I've helped.

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