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Critical Analysis #2
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bgryan
Junior Member
since 2003-06-16
Posts 30
North Ireland

0 posted 2004-01-30 03:43 PM




On a cold winter's night
as life lay on the ground,
I heard a small voice crying
yet no one shared the sound.

In a far distant land
where a lover's tale was told,
a tear fell into the sea
but only a fool would know.

Above the snow capped mountain
the moon sang a song in view,
as the silence broke the valley
my love left me, untrue.

On a cold winter's night
another heart grew old,
I heard a small voice crying
her name could not be told.


© Copyright 2004 B.G.Ryan - All Rights Reserved
wintertao
Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366
Okaloosa Island, FL
1 posted 2004-01-30 06:08 PM


I liked this alot - the last S4 seems weak to me - I also like the stanza's better in this order:


Above the snow capped mountain
the moon sang a song in view,
as the silence broke the valley
my love left me, untrue.

On a cold winter's night
as life lay on the ground,
I heard a small voice crying
yet no one shared the sound.

In a far distant land
where a lover's tale was told,
a tear fell into the sea
but only a fool would know.


Grover
Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada
2 posted 2004-01-30 06:15 PM


Very good... but I agree with Wintertao's arrangement! Grover.

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