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six week old baby
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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six week old baby |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
six week old baby head shoulder hip slowly turns herself over |
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A B S T R A C T Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 27-=NYC=- |
I don't know... what is this saying, exactly? It seems... meaningless! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Meaningless? Hardly. It's called a snapshot poem. It's showing a six week old baby. Quite clearly. I like it. Hmmmmm...hey gourd, I think you should've included something about a relationship breakup or how terrible life is as well..fill it up yanno?  Seriously though, Abstract, poems don't have to be long to explore meaning. Often a single image is an intense method of delivering a profound meaning. To me - I see innocence, life, growth and challenge. I see progress and the frailty of early human life. Quite a lot from three lines...  K |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
I see the baby,,, It's a moment caught in the hearts eye forever,,the first time your little one rolls over by him/herself....sweet Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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A B S T R A C T Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 27-=NYC=- |
You can draw many conclusions from these three lines. So what is this saying, exactly? I can write you a few lines right now and have you come up with multiple meanings. That does not make the poem great. My opinion. |
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warmhrttoo New Member
since 2004-01-25
Posts 5 |
I loved this....this is what poetry is really about...imagery, painting a picture with as few words as possible. You've done a wonderful job. Kris |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
AB, Though I would hesitate to call this wonderful, I would never call it meaningless. Kamla and MLM have explained quite clearly why it is not. Your “conclusions” are vague and fail to address their arguments directly. Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
I don't have anything against snapshot poems, but my initial reaction of the snapshot given in the poem is it is not consistent with a baby turning over at six weeks. Other than the fact the baby is pretty advanced for six weeks and I wouldn't characterize a baby turning over in terms of slow movement. It doesn't give me the image I saw of my children and grandchildren while babies. And, even a snapshot should have a poetic quality to the words. Don't see it. |
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A B S T R A C T Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 27-=NYC=- |
I do not want to argue in someone else's thread, but... I am saying that although you can see the imagery here (for some reason I saw a baby in blue clothes turning over), it does not have anything else about it. Make a number of lines and you can come up with lots of things and call it "beautiful" if broken down enough. I'm not the best poet and I do not have the most authority to speak on this, but I just don't see anything great about it. Just an image of a baby turning over, no innocence, no life, nothing. Just one image that may be created out of anything. Here: ten seconds to come up with this - The car winked at me. Get some kind of image? I do. This must be a piece beyond brilliance. PS I don't particularly enjoy poems about love or depression so don't exaggerate. My two cents. Please accept them. |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
I think this was something I did in a moment of grandfatherly pride, and it is more to speak to those who understand this than for the general reader to draw them into the experience. Yes, very advanced for a baby this age. and not the usual way where a baby sort of flails around and arches it's back and then flops over. She was very focused, no extraneous movement, took about 5 minutes to accomplish the task. Moved so slowly that at a brief glance you would have thought she was falling asleep, but first laid her head all the way to the side, then brought up her shoulder to perpendicular to the plane, then slowly, so slowly, never making a sound, brought the hip to perpendicular, then slid the leg to center and was over. I was almost stunned watching it. Perhaps this wasn't the best place to share that but I was inspired and dropped it in. |
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A B S T R A C T Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 27-=NYC=- |
Of course you can share it! I'm just giving my opinion, that's all. Others seem to agree that it is a good poem. |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
night time car uses bridge overpass as a wink only seen by me |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Abstract...your opinion is very welcome, some of us just love debating.  Gourd...I like the last little verse...I myself love snapshot poetry. Not haiku per se...it's a different vibe altogether... K |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
A newbie here... I really identify with what you're saying Gourd. The simplicity and yet complexity of the stuggles of basic life [assuming 6 wk old is basic]. The effort and success of simply turning over. Through a poet's eye...or perhaps, winking eye. Grover. |
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wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
this is ok - not great - doesn't suck for a short piece its ok, what can I say. I've had kids, sometimes this is what they do...yeah. |
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a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
I DONT GET THE POINT BUT I GUESS SOMETIMES YOU TEND TO WRITE ONLY FOR YOURSELF |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
i like this, it says a lot in a very few words. |
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Yejun Junior Member
since 2007-11-21
Posts 49 |
The comments here are cracking me up. I guess you have to be there to get this one. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Anyone? What might you make of Imagist poetry such as this by William Carlos Williams: "so much depends upon a red wheel barrow glazed with rain water beside the white chickens." Or this little nugget, buried somewhere in Norman Mailer's "Advertisements For Myself:" "The meaning is in the gestalt." I don't know what "snapshot" poetry is. I do know what Imagist poetry is, and it's major. If you read "baby" outloud, and read the second line slowly, it is perfect, whole, and complete. Best, Jim |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I thought it was beautiful. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
What Jim said sans Mailer. |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
I liked it. And I guess it was the "herself" that helped me to imagine her in pink. Stephen |
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