navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » On the North West Coast
Critical Analysis #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic On the North West Coast Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Craw
Member
since 2003-09-11
Posts 73
Scotland

0 posted 2004-01-15 08:41 AM





Willowherb through ribs of iron fret
and red flowers of rust.
Grey houses scattered in the wind

root grimly, bud
blunt kids skimming stones on sad beaches
thinking of America,

and the arcades at the end of the world.
Dregg, Flimby, Netherton,
in the oxters of dead factories,

their curtains closed
as the sea lies limp at their doors,
the fog off shore vague like old nightmares.

In Maryport men from the pubs
lug fish and chips
as the gulls, mimicking their fathers,

follow the little wake home.

© Copyright 2004 Craw - All Rights Reserved
Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
1 posted 2004-01-15 11:10 AM


Interesting Craw. I enjoyed your words. There was a certain "feeling" about it. I see a deeper meaning that I empathisized with but won't go into yet. But I also thought there was something missing. In too many cases, I got the impression of disjoint lines. Since they all do relate, I wonder if that might be due to too much trimming. Is this one of those few poem that need some fill words to tie it all together?

JMHO,
Pete

mysticpoe
Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883

2 posted 2004-01-15 06:10 PM


OUTSTANDING.


wayne

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

gourdmad
Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136
Upper Ohio Valley
3 posted 2004-01-16 09:22 AM


Am a fan like it. So this is very minor point, freely disregard it. I always notice the whole poem before I read the parts.

The form is

middle line shortest

middle line longest

middle line in between

middle line longest

Projecting consistent form onto the piece, in the third verse the middle line should be shortest. Perhaps:

their curtains closed, as the sea
lies limp at their doors,
the fog off shore vague like old nightmares



Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » On the North West Coast

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary