traped in the wake of a dream

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Critical Analysis #2

traped in the wake of a dream

hibby716
New Member

since 2003-12-01

Posts 5
watertown, NY USA

0 posted 2003-12-01 07:09 PM

Traped in the wake of a dream,
the ripples are your smile, touch, and loveingness,
dreams aren't often said to come true,
So many aren't this lucky, if they only knew
MY dream, is you, is prue and true
Most dreams the words are forgotten
this one i can't find enough words to say
words could never be enough, so sometimes silent
my dream, glimmers, love reigns down
my bestfriend, who can i tell all to?
my hope, is it not in you i place i'll my faith?
My love, you are my dream, i love you,
you've taught me dreams do come true

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2003-12-01 07:42 PM

Hi Hibby. I just have a minute to welcome you to the forum. Be sure to check the guidelines. Read around and comment where you want. Get to know folks. And check your email.

Pete

Always Lisa
Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 133

2 posted 2003-12-02 08:29 AM

Welcome aboard, hibby716...

>Traped in the wake of a dream,

Missing a "p"

>the ripples are your smile, touch, and loveingness,

Look up loveingness in the dictionary.

>dreams aren't often said to come true,
>So many aren't this lucky, if they only knew
>MY dream, is you, is prue and true

I think you meant, "pure."

>Most dreams the words are forgotten
>this one i can't find enough words to say
>words could never be enough, so sometimes silent
>my dream, glimmers, love reigns down
>my bestfriend, who can i tell all to?

Best friend is 2 words.

>my hope, is it not in you i place i'll my faith?

I think you meant "all" and not "I'll."

>My love, you are my dream, i love you,
>you've taught me dreams do come true

Not much was fresh or clean here... Too many typos and the punctuation ran amuck. Next, you used caps but they weren't consistent. I thought this was slightly clever though...

Traped in the wake of a dream,
the ripples are your smile

I would have liked to have seen this packed with modifier like the about in place of nonexistence form, and or consistent rhyme and meter to back it up.

Happy writing,
Regards,
Always Lisa

[This message has been edited by Always Lisa (12-02-2003 08:31 AM).]

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