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Critical Analysis #2
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Copperbell
Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956


0 posted 2003-11-30 12:00 PM



Beautiful words to soothe
to caress the ears
can be lies.

Simple words
that stab the heart,
that fill the heart with fear,
  with sober understanding
can be the truth.

I'm not sure if this is a poem, or just a statement.

© Copyright 2003 Copperbell - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

1 posted 2003-11-30 12:08 PM


How much poetry have you read? And what kinds?

Answer that first...

K

Copperbell
Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956

2 posted 2003-11-30 10:32 AM


I've read probably a hundred or so poems in these forums. I read Jewel's book and some small collections of poetry.  Reading it is something relatively new for me - I've written pages upon pages of my thoughts, observations, etc in this form, that I've been calling poems and I'm questioning whether many of them are poems or just statements really.
cynicsRus
Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!
3 posted 2003-11-30 02:49 PM


It'is obvious you’ve learned something about poetry; in the first stanza you have a pretty regular, almost entirely Dactylic beat,
while the second has a Trochaic pattern except for the last line, (although if read as a run-on, it flows consistently along). If that was purposeful, it’s possible you may know more than you’re letting on. If not, then you should read more about the various poetic forms and learn why, what you’ve just posted, because of its regular metric patterns is, at least slightly more, than simple prose. It’s in the second stanza (even with such brevity) that this begins to feel repetitive and clichéd in almost all the lines, i.e.,
“…stab the heart,”
“…fill the heart with fear,”
“…sober understanding.”

This is what keeps it more of a simple statement rather than turning it into poetry. It could use a few more layers, perhaps.

There is really no problem with attempting to put your personal thoughts into poetic form; most poetry is really a glimpse into each poet’s soul. The trick is giving it a character that is uniquely you.

That’s what all good poets strive for.


Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com www.primerhymeetc.com  

[This message has been edited by cynicsRus (11-30-2003 02:52 PM).]

Copperbell
Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956

4 posted 2003-11-30 11:09 PM


I'm going to look into the poetic forms - I don't know anything about them, I just write.  Thanks for your input...I appreciate it.
bgryan
Junior Member
since 2003-06-16
Posts 30
North Ireland
5 posted 2003-12-06 03:11 PM


Poem or statement it's your creation! I enjoyed reading it but advice is always worth
listening too.

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