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Critical Analysis #2
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Magic Solias
Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 73
California, USA

0 posted 2003-11-19 04:06 PM


VISION

The light
receding day
approaching night

shadow play
dark and bright
the sun
              sometimes
creating moon-light
               shadows

illuminated things
we see and dream

we seek the light

blind images of
deception conquered
her bleak mind
for another occasion
of retraction
tonight

an engine runs
a copter's twirl
above, below
mirages and
                 hallucinations.

© Copyright 2003 Magic Solias - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
1 posted 2003-11-20 02:40 PM


While I like some of your phrasing and wordplay (the first stanza particularly flowed well to me) I can't say I'm sure what this is about. I feel like it's kind of vague and fractured... you seem to be going for a dreamlike feel here, so maybe you intended that. Exactly what are you trying to say here?
Magic Solias
Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 73
California, USA
2 posted 2003-11-20 03:59 PM


Thank you very much for the reply.  You are correct in pointing out that this poem is intended to be dream-like. It's describing the experience of a vision.  Visions come close to hallucinations and are often dream-like.  They also have to do with illumination.  I attempted to combine light with vision.  It's a try.  Again, I very much appreciate your input.  

Magic Solias

"we dream to love and love to dream"

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