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Pacific
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Pacific |
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tecoyah Member
since 2003-11-16
Posts 83NY |
pacific Mist kicked up by gusts Far off places leave their scent on beaded drops This ocean is mine Each cracked angle of foam that never stops Licking rocks to sand Ever making patterns on my beached mind Floating natures toys Buried in your breath for me to find |
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| © Copyright 2003 Tecoyah - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Hello tecoyah, The imagary in this is lovely. I think it may help though to make the lines flow into each other a bit more joinedly rather than set them as seperate sentences. Perhaps something like below. This ocean is mine, with mist kicked up by gusts scenting of far off places on beaded drops (...) A bit of rearrangement to wording and a pinch of puncuation could help bring this out a bit more flowfully; and it is worth it indeed here, for the imagery and the idea you have expressed very well. Thanks for sharing your work. Essorant [This message has been edited by Essorant (11-20-2003 04:07 PM).] |
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