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Critical Analysis #2
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Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada

0 posted 2003-10-22 02:32 AM


Thro' life and death
    An angel's
      Breath

© Copyright 2003 Essorant - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

1 posted 2003-10-22 06:13 AM


thro' doesn't say through to me Ess...it says 'throw' in a cockney english kinda way

Of course that's just me..

Now, the poem - to me, it says that there are angels through every stage of our lives, only in a shorter sentence. I find it overly sentimental - that's just me though - again.

I'm curious - what's the meaning for the thro' and the italics? Anything in particular behind those?

As to suggestions - well, I really would lose the italicised 'breath'. Italics often read forced in poetry. In this piece it looks like you're trying to be poetic and thought - I know, I'll make the last word super-special...

I have found that minimalist poems need to be tight - this is very minimalist indeed lol. Perhaps not quite tight enough though..

Cheers,

K


Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
2 posted 2003-10-22 06:44 PM


Hello Severn
Thank you for commenting.

"Thro" is a contraction of "through."  There was no "need" for it.  I just thought it kept in agreement with the fastness or compactness of it.
Nor are the italics needful.  But methought they visibly look like "motion" or like a wind/breath is blowing the letters to the right which I thought gave a relevent character and ending touch.
Did you note I didn't put a period after "Breath"  That was on purpose too
  


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