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Critical Analysis #2
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Ashen
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Ashen |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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a raging fire in the pit of her belly left her crippled, no longer able to care for them, they left her all alone, ashen, she looks out upon the street now, her back bone crumbling, she struggles to stand, all of what beauty she possessed has been eaten away, along with her dignity, which, with the aid of others, she will have to strive to rebuild, lest she become a spot for vermin to gather. "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu [This message has been edited by warmhrt (09-08-2003 01:17 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
I interpret this as a metaphorical reference to the WTC. If that's what you intended, it's very well done, in spite of the occasional typo. Something I've rarely seen in your pieces. Sorry about the "atta girl"  I am sort of struggling to understand why you would not consider this prose, (I'm asking an honest question, not criticizing), since you made a similar remark on my piece, in which I attempted to maintain a definite meter. I'd appreciate being enlightened on this, since as I said, I'm very new at non-rhyming verse. Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com [This message has been edited by cynicsRus (09-08-2003 01:36 AM).] |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
I liked the presentation of the message in this poem. It wasn't a positive message, but it wasn't bitterly negative either. It was just real. It's life. Unfortunately. A really great peice. True and real. Liked the word usage. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi Sid (is that your name?), First of all, thanks much for the positive comments. Secondly, I do not consider this prose, as the wording is providing imagery and building on the metaphor...poetic devices. It also could be providing emotion or feeling, which in the case of your poem, could be argued. You do, however have (I think it's) eight long lines that read more like they are taken out of a short story. That is why I suggested trying to add some more obvious imagery within those lines. I am not an expert, nor do I ever try to say I am. This is just my opinion, from my experience. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Dear Endless Echo, Thanks so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you noticed that this was not a light or dark poem, but just an honest, real one. You connected with exactly what I was trying to bring out. Thank you. "It is wisdom to know others; |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
quote: OK, that’s something I can work with. I think for now though, I’ll just shelve it and go back to it from time to time, (That’s getting to be one crowded shelf!).You made me see, it can’t possibly compliment the original poem in it’s present state. Thanks, Yes, Sid Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com |
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Craw Member
since 2003-09-11
Posts 73Scotland |
I like the simplicity of this, and the economy of language. The pattern of short terse lines is effective but it goes to pot from '..along with the dignity, which, with the aid of others, she will have to strive to rebuild' which is quite a mouthful and quite out of step with the punchy, sparse rhythm you've established throughout the rest of the piece. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Dear Craw, I thank you for reading, and for offering your compliments and your criticism. I do see what you mean about that stanza, and it could be easily rectified by omitting "which". It could just read: "with the aid of others, she will strive to rebuild," Would that sit with you better? Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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