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Critical Analysis #2
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The Poet's Gift
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Poet's Gift |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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It wears well on you, your literary voice in slow boom and appreciation of those things worn in time my fervor turns to blushed fever as I lay a petal of compliment here and there and you step around them not in dismissal but not ready to don the flowers of my pleasure in what you have given me I have seen the others, waiting for their expected applause, as you close the curtains once the words were lain in dimmed light for whomever may chance upon them, and I would pick you above them, because all you want to do is leave the gift in hand quietly, sincerely, with the only fanfare in the sliding of a veil. ~*~ I had several warm responses to this in Open. I would like to know how it stands under analysis.  Thanks, ahead of time. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Karilea, I think this is a beautiful, well-crafted piece. The format works very well, and the line breaks seem to be just right. I think you've done a wonderful job. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I agree with Kris. This seems to be a great tribute to "The Poet." At least that's how I translate it. Yep, that's my position and I'm sticking with it. Thanks, Pete |
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MsSouthernOrchid Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 192 |
Hi Sunshine ( I like that name!) I agree. This is a very nice poem, perfect the way it is. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Dear Sunshine, Thanks for your comments to my first attempt online. I must admit that I am rather intimidated when I read all the talent that abounds here. But, it is about sharing our souls' whispers, isn't it? I loved this whisper......... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Iliana, very much so. Thank you for taking time from your day to read one of my little treasures. |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
I hope you wrote this about me and not that scalawag Balladeer. I like the flow of this poem, Karilea. It says a lot with a few words. |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
I also liked the mood and flow of this. Couple minor comments. as you close the curtains “the” is a weak word to end a line in, especially an opening one. Maybe change it to as you close the curtains or if you want the the more pronounced shortening of a line, drop “the” altogether as you close curtains or even as you close a curtain which would require a further change from “were lain” to “are lain” as you close a curtain once the words are lain in dimmed light for whomever may chance upon them, and I would pick you above them, which seems to imply it is an ongoing rather than a one time occurrence, IMHO. And “curtain” would link better to “veil” I think. But maybe not :-) |
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Estel Junior Member
since 2003-12-10
Posts 22 |
I think a sprinkling of periods would do this poem well. Also, I would suggest striking random stanzas and incorporating them in reduced forms in larger stanzas. A nice poem, I liked it.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
These are some very good suggestions. I will work on this, and bring it back at some point, revised. I do appreciate everyone's comments. Thank you! |
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