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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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SCREAMIN Member
since 2003-04-28
Posts 51US, Tx |
Hope is but a wish To own no doubt To know no pain To feel no regret Fear is a weakness To have no confidence To be not assured To have no faith Love requires pain To be heartbroken To know rejection To shed worthless tears Strength is to carry on To stand when fallen To push when weary To fly with broken wings This is a weak peice for me I think. Please critique it and let me know what's missing, or if I should just start over completely. thank you, Leslie Such tears in a time of need, is not a reasonable term of sanity. It is but a reasonable term of human imperfection. Normal is what you make it. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Leslie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rose Member
since 2003-08-02
Posts 53 |
This is a heartfelt poem and i enjoyed reading it. it has an encouraging tone of perseverance and hope. to me, it sounded like you, the author, picked up poetic steam, so to speak, as you wrote: the first stanza i felt to be weak, while i loved the last stanza and found it to be quite poetic. i can't really offer a critique for this piece, because it is what it is: short, simple, and pretty straightforward. but i did want to tell you that i liked it. ~rose |
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grassy ninja Junior Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 41Kentucky |
to me, there are two problems with this poem that are standing in your way. for one, there is almost no imagery. the poem is a collection of sentences set up in parallel contruction to give it rhythm. the second problem, to me, is the lack of an original voice. some of the lines remind of a commercial for the US army. you know "fear is a weakness." not to say that this poem doesn't have any potential. i think you need a more personal approach. why should the reader care about the speaker or what the speaker has to say? what has given the speaker these ideas about love, fear, hope? do you really have these ideas? what are you actually trying to tell us here? if it's something you feel might be very patent and overused, what is your individual voice on it? even if you aren't espousing a universal Truth, it's always interesting to read something personal and wrong. good luck. |
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Always Lisa Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 133 |
Reads like an instruction manual... Fit screw into "B" part. Tighten screw with screwdriver. This reader was left with nothing to ponder. Regards, Lisa |
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