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Critical Analysis #2
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These Memories I Hold
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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These Memories I Hold |
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o. forrest cain Junior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 17West Virginia |
These Memories I Hold (Elkhurst 1959) A wood duck threads clouds overhead, rolls them back with edge of wing. Sunlight holds . . . . . . . . breaks through and flows across the riverbed. Like a whale on its side, rock slab divides, splits the river in to shallow and deep. My brother and I wade out and climb, print its back with the wet of our feet. Our father lags back, takes his time catches up, lugs our tackle and can of red worms. He outfits our poles, leans out and throws, sets the drag and reels in the slack. We chase crawdads. We splash, get hung up and lash, beat the river and tangle our line. . . of a sudden a tug . . . . . . heart thumping lunge . . stiff jerk and flip-flopping fish. These memories I hold reference and fold, have them written the length of my arm, flexed wrist and fish, pulsation's between, riffled water and green mornings' sun. forrest 2003 [This message has been edited by o. forrest cain (06-30-2003 10:12 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 O. Forrest Cain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Forrest, You begin with some lovely imagery in that first stanza. Beautifully discriptive way to open. My suggestions are simply in the unnecessary words: Eliminating "the" and "a" in L 2, to tighten the meter, is all that's lacking in the first stanza, then reworking the others to scan similarly. I think this could be a very fine poem if you made it flow more smoothly. This is only my opinion, of course, but for the most part, it's a very well described memory and definitely worth refining. Sid [This message has been edited by cynicsRus (06-29-2003 12:31 AM).] |
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o. forrest cain Junior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 17West Virginia |
Sid, thanks for reading and commenting. I have followed your suggestions and appreciate your input. forrest |
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