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Critical Analysis #2
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Some Time
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Some Time |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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she saw a sign, give him time - give him time, so that's what she's doing, she understands now, finally, after a spell of the blues took her time to get through; he's been hurt pretty badly, but he'll come around, learn to put things in the past, with some love, and some time - yes, some time. "It is wisdom to know others; |
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| © Copyright 2003 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
 Hi Warmhrt! I really like this poem, it is very calming and comforting...especially with the repetition of "give him time - give him time" and "some time - yes, some time." -- this added a gentle touch, as if the poem itself was trying to comfort the reader. The only suggestion I have is that there are many commas (something I am notorious for!) -- I think you could substitute some of the commas with semicolons or periods. This will help avoid the run-on feeling. Here is how I would punctuate it, and this is just my opinion  "she saw a sign, give him time - give him time[;] so that's what she's doing[.] [S]he understands now, finally, after a spell of the blues took her time to get through[.] [H]e's been hurt pretty badly, but he'll come around[.] [He'll] learn to put things in the past, with some love, and some time - yes, some time. Great poem, I really enjoyed it!  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
this was really great. it did put on the calming, relaxed affect. nice work. _rae |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I didn't fiond it relaxing at all. I mean that in a good way, too. To me, give him time sounded less of a comfort and more of a litany you repeat in an effort to convince yourself that something's really the truth. Give him time, to me, sounds like he really doesn't want a whole lot to do with her anymore... but give him time, give him time... in an "Every Breath You Take" relationship-gone-awry-in-disguise kind of way, this is actually very desperate sounding to me... and I think the lack of any capitalized lines, and the fact that this is really just one sentence, one breath to read really lends to that feeling. Maybe that's not what you intended, but it's what I got from the poem. And I liked it. A couple things... 'after a spell of the blues took her time to get through;' I really like the use of spell here, because you could be talking either about a spell of time or an emotional type of spell. I would consider dropping the second line though, it's a bit clunky and kind of threw me off. If you feel like you have to keep something about her in there, maybe "after she came through a spell of the blues" or something like that (I'm sure you could improve on my bland suggestion, but it's just an idea...) Hope I've helped. |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Hi again! I agree with Hush about the line "after a spell of the blues took her time to get through" -- this was a bit confusing, and I had to read it twice to fully understand it. I'm not sure I'd remove the second line altogether because I think is has importance, but I do suggest rewording it to flow a bit easier for the reader. When I first read it, it seemed as though it was missing a word or two. Just a suggestion, and I like Hush's interpretation of "give it time" -- it is always interesting to see what others discover in your poetry, and how most people don't see the same thing. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Thank you all for your compliments and your suggestions. On the issue of punctuation...it is poetry, not prose, and commas after lines are common. On the issue of the lines: "after a spell of the blues took her time to get through".... if you read the word "finally", it should make sense, but to make it easier, I could change it to: "after it took her time to get through a long spell of the blues," Whatcha think????????? Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Oh...one more thing...I wanted to say to Hush that I think circumstances, memories, etc. in your life were sparked when you read the poem. That is often why we put a different spin on a poem than others do. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Hi Warmhrt! I agree that commas at the end of lines is ok in poetry, and I always use them. However, even though it is a poem, sometimes it is still hard to see when a line ends and another thought begins, and if you string sentences together with commas when they could actually be separate sentences (with periods or semicolons) then sometimes it can cause confusion for the reader. This is what happened when reading the lines in question (after "finally") I felt that a period could go after "doing"...this would break it up nicely. I like the change you came up with for the "blues" lines, but I think if you write it that way, you can omit the word "after": "[S]he understands now, finally[.] It took her time to get through a long spell of the blues," or you could condense this: "she understands now, finally, [after] a long spell of the blues" I personally think the latter works better, since it flows nicer. Hope this helps! Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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