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The_Art_of_Life
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The_Art_of_Life |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams 
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I know the Art of Love, though, like art, love is not always beautiful Beauty... I know the Art of Beauty but, like art, beauty is seen through the eyes of the soul colors splashed on the canvas of life, from the dullest grays to the most vivid brights contrasting shades of light and dark Like Beauty, And Love, Life is like Art Freedom is the dream of sleeping reality |
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| © Copyright 2003 derrick gillum - All Rights Reserved | |||
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captaincargo Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109Corning, N.Y. U.S.A. |
I absolutely love this! It makes you think as well as feel. I also like the way you've arranged it to make each part important in itself yet still part of the whole. Very nice. Cap. "And her soft caress, in some strange way, is there beside me. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
You've got a lot of concepts floating around, without telling us what you mean by them. Art, love, beauty, life... pin something down on them so that they mean something. Like, when is art not beautiful? An example would be good. How do the 'eyes of the soul' see something? If you get more specific, you could probably give this a lot more emphasis and oomph. Hope I've helped. |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Hi DreamChild! This is a good poem, but I think it could be even stronger. You know the old saying "show, don't tell" -- I agree with Hush...give us some concrete examples of how love isn't always beautiful...this will not only strengthen the imagery, it will make it more meaningful for the reader. Overall, I enjoyed the poem.  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
maybe_your_analysis_is_too_critical. Hey,_Cant_please_everyone_. |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Hi DreamChild, I'm not sure whom you were addressing that to, but I just wanted to say that my feedback was merely my opinion, and I still really enjoyed the poem.  I agree with your Critique message, that it is difficult to criticize one's heart and soul, and I am definitely one who believes that only the poet knows truly how his/her poem is meant to be ... but if poems are posted in CA, it is expected that they will receive some sort of criticism...hopefully, in good taste and only for the benefit of the poem. I enjoyed this very much Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Since the purpose of the Critical Analysis forum is critique,what one puts in the critique message has little or no bearing on the nature of the critique a poem may receive. As Ladybug said though, we try to make any critique constructive. This by no stretch means they will all be positive. In fact, most will likely have some negative comments. After all, who among us has ever written something that could stand no improvement? And even if it seemed perfect to the author, there would surely be someone who would have a lesser opinion of it. Pete |
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Always Lisa Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 133 |
Smiles* Hi Pete. I hope you don't mind my adding my babble to what you've already said. Yes, I may say some of the same in a different way... I know a bit about those seemingly perfect poems. I thought that I had wrote a few only to be crushed like a bug. Grins* I still feel that I can write the perfect poem and I do... Prefect is as perfect does.... (Yes, a bit of Forest Gump in there) My perfect and perfect to those that feel they aren't on my gifted stair or whatever the reason. Perfect like beauty is in the eye of the beholder but of course everyone knows this. Poetry is like having a child, yours or my baby... We love our babies and sometimes it's hard when someone points out some defect or observation that point to less than perfect. Try constructively saying to someone... Sweetie, your baby has big ears and one is way bigger than the other. It wasn't said mean but OUCH! There comes the understanding. I think that the remarks were well intended and for the most part, right on. Dreamchild, I think your response to those remarks was a very controlled OUCH with the added...Hey, can't please everyone. And I think that's cool to feel a little sting and express it as you did; feeling analysis was too critical but the types of response you got is what this folder is for. They are a given just like it perhaps a given for someone to say "WOW" nice poem. Anyway, I'm babbling and have completely lost my train of thought so I'll close by saying this... Dreamchild, your baby has big ears but it's still one good looking child. Lastly, remember the saying ... no pain, no gain. This said now from someone who gave birth to 4 perfect children and the doctors said... Your forth child is autistic. One doc even said... It's unfortunate but still, he has some good stuff going for him, he's so loving and sweet and smart. I already knew that so what's the gain in that being said? Good was said but it sure didn't feel so good. He's/my son my perfect boy but the doctors, teachers have a lot to offer him. Your poem is the same in that there are others that have something to offer; there thoughts on what they read. You don't have to like any of what is offered but remember that the eyes reading have souls of their own and they see their own way; things you might or might not. You're left with the choice of how deep you'll let what is said effect you and how you'll respond in turn. In the end, it's your baby. Happy Writing. Regards, Always Lisa |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
lol! u guys are killin me... i honestly dont know what to think about your " perfect " philosophy . my comment before stated it all clearly, and nothin says it more " perfectly "... Cant Please Everybody. Thats all. Geez... Freedom is the dream of sleeping reality |
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