»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
at the park
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
at the park |
|
|
raevynsbreath Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64Mi, USA |
at the park sitting in a quiet corner of the park watching, not seen listening, but not heard big boys come out to play to play their big boy games manipulating the girls with fake heartskips and smiles grab a handful of ass and finger apart their ways encourage the little kids to jump on tires to climb up walls until you want to swing they're all taken "swinging whores" b-ball, street style gaming the real way flirting the right way living the careless way i can see clearly now the rain is gone because summer's here and we're all at the park |
||
| © Copyright 2003 _rae - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
V. Tomir Junior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 20 |
Mrs. Raevynbreath, Since you like quotes so much, as apparent in your songy ending, here's one, "Good grief Charlie Brown!" At least this poem is better than the other two of yours I read. Actually the second stanza is alright but then you go all over the place again. One moment you sound angry at the way the boys are treating the girls and then you skip off to pixie dust land and everything is simply wonderful in the end because everyone's at the park and its summer time. Make up your mind about the direction of the poem and stick with that idea. Regards. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
