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Critical Analysis #2
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raevynsbreath
Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 64
Mi, USA

0 posted 2003-06-07 12:42 PM



stare a little bit harder
your mother never taught you better
you'll bite your tongue now
as never before

i'll slam your face into a ground
filled with the insides of your evil
you'll die a harder death than the night before
this, my dear, is all for you

take your rape-free, anal retentive minds
and get the hell out
this world won't do you any good
it fills your body with despair
(as though the happiness were never there)

sink into the blood-red sky
and wave your dreams away
your questions are all you have left
(and even you can't answer them now)


note: i write with a lot of symbolism.i realize this.but i'm open to what you have to say.so talk away.
_rae

© Copyright 2003 _rae - All Rights Reserved
V. Tomir
Junior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 20

1 posted 2003-06-08 01:25 AM


Mrs. Raevynsbreath

If you are open to what we have to say then you will love this post. You DO NOT write with a lot of symbolism. However you DO write with a lot of cliches and pummel the reader with a constant barrage of vague descriptions. Please turn off the MTV and pick up a book or two of poetry. And if you do take the time to read some poetry you will begin to notice a definite pattern when comparing books. A large majority of decent poets will at least make an effort to be original.

Regards.

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