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Passions in Poetry

Just Forget.

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BeautifulMistake
New Member
since 05-28-2003
[First Post] 5
Ontario, Canada


0 posted 05-28-2003 12:10 PM       View Profile for BeautifulMistake   Email BeautifulMistake   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BeautifulMistake

Just Forget


Forget his name, forget his face
Forget his kiss, and warm embrace
Forget the love you once knew,
Remember there’s always somebody new

Forget the fun you once shared
Forget that he once cared
Forget the times you spent together
Remember how he’s gone forever

Forget the times they played your song
Forget that time you cried all night long
Forget how close you two once were
Remember he belongs to her

Forget the way you memorized his walk
Forget the way he used to talk
Forget the things he used to say
Remember he will never come back to stay

Forget his gentle, pleasing way
Forget you won’t see him today
Forget the things he used to do
Remember that he once loved you

Forget the excitement when he walked by
Forget the sweetness that made you want to cry
Forget the way he said your name
Remember now, things won’t be the same

Forget that he was your love
Forget that you need help from above
Forget the things that made you wait
Remember love has turned to hate
© Copyright 2003 Melissa Ringrose - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1 posted 05-28-2003 01:31 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Welcome to Passions, Melissa!  I'm not a regular in CA...so I'll let the folks who ARE come in and critique your work.  I just like to come in and browse around now and then...

Hope you enjoy your time among the blue halls and walls of Passions.  We're quite the group...we're simply everywhere!

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen?

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 12-18-1999
Posts 1566


2 posted 05-28-2003 09:05 PM       View Profile for warmhrt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for warmhrt

Dear BeautifulMistake,

This sounds like a VERY personal piece of writing that was perhaps done to really express your intimate feelings, almost like a part of a journal. You did very well expressing the emotion, and I won't go further into critiquing such a heartfelt effort.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

BeautifulMistake
New Member
since 05-28-2003
Posts 5
Ontario, Canada


3 posted 05-30-2003 02:07 PM       View Profile for BeautifulMistake   Email BeautifulMistake   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BeautifulMistake

Thank you. : )
Cytten
Junior Member
since 06-13-2003
Posts 16
Canada


4 posted 06-19-2003 12:52 PM       View Profile for Cytten   Email Cytten   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cytten

wow it seams like what I'm going through with my ex I dont want to forget but he is with some one else. I didn't think that other people could feal the paid that I am. he is the one that I wrote A Friend in Mike to. I really was Impressed abought how you got this down so freeley it seams that all my poetry is forced like I need to get the fealings out but don't want too. And when it does it sounds  forced and not complete.
keep writing your betting Shakespear by alot.
Ladybug
Member
since 06-17-2003
Posts 242
Massachusetts


5 posted 06-20-2003 02:35 PM       View Profile for Ladybug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ladybug's Home Page   View IP for Ladybug

Wow, this is a very powerful poem...and excellent for your first post!  Welcome (I'm new too, as of 6/17) and I look forward to reading more from you.  I really love how you continue the pattern of 3 Forgets followed by 1 Remember, throughout the poem.  My only critique is that the meter is not consistent, which throws off the reader.  If you work on the meter, this will be an even more powerful piece.  I don't know how familiar you are with poetry, but if you read a poem outloud, you will see where the meter or "flow" is off a little bit.  Good job, and hope to see you around!

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

cynicsRus
Senior Member
since 06-06-2003
Posts 599
So Cal So Cool!


6 posted 06-20-2003 11:24 PM       View Profile for cynicsRus   Email cynicsRus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit cynicsRus's Home Page   View IP for cynicsRus

Agree with Ladybug about the meter. I feel it needs to be a bit more consistent. But, the emotion held my attention in this one, and I'm glad you shared it.

Sid
Always Lisa
Member
since 06-08-2003
Posts 134


7 posted 06-23-2003 02:37 PM       View Profile for Always Lisa   Email Always Lisa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Always Lisa

Your meter seemed to be working well... That is until I got to line 3 and then a hiccup. Then another in line 4 and from there the hiccups didn't stop. At times I held my breath hoping for the best but the best was not to be. I'm left wondering if those first 2 line were good meter usage by mistake? My guess is yes.

Regards,
Always Lisa
ladywrytr
Junior Member
since 06-23-2003
Posts 10
Southeastern MA


8 posted 06-25-2003 09:40 AM       View Profile for ladywrytr   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ladywrytr

Well done, captures the many aspects of loss when a relationship ends.  I agree that the meter needs to be developed, but you got your point across quite well. Kim  
RavenesqueAwakened
New Member
since 04-29-2009
Posts 1
California, USA


9 posted 07-07-2009 04:03 PM       View Profile for RavenesqueAwakened   Email RavenesqueAwakened   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for RavenesqueAwakened

Just forget you promised more
Just forget my open door
Just forget the endless adventure
Just forget our untaken pictures
Remember: lies to yourself are scripture

Just forget my broken heart
Just forget my verbal art
Just forget each tender moment
Just forget all that you've stolen
Remember: this is the web you've woven

Just forget my endless affection
Just forget our eternal connection
Just forget you almost had it
Just forget this, it's too tragic
Remember: I'll never forgive you.
 
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