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Critical Analysis #2
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The Meticulous Baller (Blank Verse)
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Meticulous Baller (Blank Verse) |
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Yitzy Junior Member
since 2003-05-12
Posts 30 |
This is a work in progress. All suggestions are welcome. The Meticulous Baller He shoots hoops in the park, hoping to be A great baller someday. He loves the game. He spends hours perfecting his technique. Bend the knees, arch the right arm—right angle! Launch and let fly, its gotta look like Mike. Flicks his wrist, lets a free-throw fly in a Spinning, swanlike arc: the perfect rainbow. His follow through complete, he watches in Dismay as the shot glances off the rim. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Yitzy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Yitzy, and welcome to the CA forum. Blank verse is not as easy as some might think. From "poeticbyway.com" quote: Since it is a strictly metric form, it is quite important to maintain a consistent meter. As quoted above, iambic pentameter is the generally accepted meter in English poetry although it is nt an absolute requirement (some will argue that it is required). Your example has 10 syllables in all except one line but the syllable stresses all very inconsistent. I can find one line that is a pretty good trochaic and one that is almost iambic. The others just seem to ramble on, metrically. With a little work, I think you can fix this and have a pretty good example. JMHO, Pete |
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Yitzy Junior Member
since 2003-05-12
Posts 30 |
I am very weak on maintaining a meter. I don't really have a good grasp on the meaning of an unstressed syllable and a stressed. Which line were you refferring to when you said one line didn't have 10 syllables? |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Third line only has 9 syllables. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Yitzy, we're doing sonnets in the workshop this month - They're written in iambic pentameter, as is blank verse - Perhaps we can help (and you don't have to write a sonnet - we can let you work on just your meter if you'd like)...  |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Great idea. Thanks much Nan. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I'm pretty tone deaf, andf I tend to force stresses when I'm working with an actual meter, so Ican't help you too much there. This seems more like a prose piece to me... just an observation, maybe turn it into prose? It just seems like it might be more effective that way, as is it just seems like bare bones for something. Is that intentional? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I've approved you for posting in the workshop, Yitzy - C'mon over... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
/pip/Forum22/HTML/000723.html This should give you a bit of insight on iambic pentameter - Holler if you need more help...  |
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Yitzy Junior Member
since 2003-05-12
Posts 30 |
Blank Verse The Frustrated Baller He spends long hours practicing his shot. Works hard to etch the pattern in his limbs. Arm arches, knees are bent, the perfect form. Up and away, eyes follow in dismay As his shot glances, once more, off the rim. I changed a line, thought it would sound better |
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