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Critical Analysis #2
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Dream of the Prophet
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Dream of the Prophet |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia 
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"I am not the one you know but the one you seek" said the prophet her hair black in flowing braids to knees smelling of snuff, buckskin, and lilacs "The one you seek has no face you know so I wear the one the face you do know as a dream of snow reveals you've kicked the blanket from your bed." Dream sun squinting eyes she turned ancient faced bronzed and creased into subtle smile and folded hands callused across her lap "Listen ;" The secret of Power: "The river is mighty because the stream hears the mountain's will and knows the sea is thirsty The ocean is vast for it drinks from every river large and small from every stream old and new The wind is strong in the sun's embrace --the sun that birthed every lust under heaven-- and returns the rivers' tears to the mountain The mountain rises to take the rain from the sky because it knows it is weary to carry it so far And the desert is dry because it will not stand up to the wind. When you understand this you will understand power when you understand power you will know love and when you know love you will have wisdom" These were the secrets the prophet spoke [This message has been edited by Local Rebel (05-06-2003 12:35 AM).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Reb, Good to see you again. You haven't been around CA for a while. I think I'll leave critique of this one to someone who maybe understands it better than I, but for a comment or two. I found the images and combinations of words and ideas interesting and enjoyable but toward the end, it seemed like maybe you tried to cover too much ground. It may be that I just got lost though. I think you may be relating to some other work that I don't know. If that is the case then someone will soon pick up on it. In any event, understanding will require further study. After giving others a chance to explore, maybe you can give some insight. That is, assuming it doesn't all become clear before. Thanks, Pete |
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Kamala Member
since 2003-04-17
Posts 59CA, USA |
Local Rebel, I really like the ethos of what your going for, and I think you're on the right track with the whole prophet-speak style... kinda circuitous, paradoxical, etc. But in this case, I also don't think it's clear enough. I mean, I think the heart of the poem really begins at "Listen,"... but then you go into different bodies of water, wind, desert, etc... and then suddenly we're in understanding of power, love, and wisdom. But the leap seems rather large and the connection isn't exactly clear. Why is the river mighty because of the stream? And what does that have to do with power and wisdom? I just kept wondering... what are you *really* trying to say here underneath all of this imagery and stuff. On a technical note, I really think you need to punctuate this. Let me give you an example of why: "her hair black in flowing braids to knees smelling of snuff, buckskin, and lilacs " Does SHE smell like all of that stuff or do her KNEES smell like all of that stuff. I know the latter sounds absurd, but without punctuation it's possible to read it that way. And there are several places where this kind of confusion arises. I also think you should be conscious of form here. The poem is really in two sections: 1) the set up of the imagery of the prophet (her appearance, smells, face, hands) and 2) her words. Aside from the fact that I'm not sure what you mean by some of your metaphors in the latter half, it hangs together fairly well. The opening half, however, I found kind of disorienting. What does the whole "snow reveals you've kicked the blanket from your bed" thing mean? Is the speaker dreaming? Is the prophet a "dream sun" or is she squinting because of a dream sun? She has long black hair (not grey) but yet she's ancient, bronzed, and creased? Some of the images just seem to contradict each other and I have trouble as a reader placing myself -- am I in a dream or in a vision or awake or what? Am I in some kind of hut with the prophet? A dream hut? Okay, I'll stop there... I think the idea is really compelling, and I like the prophet's voice a lot... I just wish I understood more what she is trying to tell me and what *you* mean to accomplish in connecting nature to power, love, and wisdom. Hope this helps, Kamala "At times, indeed, almost ridiculous-- |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Thanks Pete -- don't post much poetry b/c I'm not writing any new ones.. this one dates back a couple of years but it's never been up for CA Maybe it does rush a tad toward the end -- but if it does that would be true to form for a dream. Kamala -- Thank you also -- it's nice to get back some slice and dice. Just be glad I have SOME punctuation  I quite often use absolutely none which drives Brad nuts.I don't mind going into some explaination of the setup -- but -- revealing the actual words of the prophet is a bit like asking Poe to tell us what was in the pit. I learned an interesting lesson in the ninth grade when I wrote a poem for lit class and the teacher went wild over it, complementing me on being so 'mature' and gushing over the depth of understanding and meaning in it. Turns out -- I didn't mean anything close to what she had read into it!  The set-up; When I was a child a real Native American tribal princess lived in my house for a breif period. She was old. When you're young old looks ancient, which she did. She always wore authentic dress, and she had long BLACK braids. Did she dye it? I don't know -- might have been a wig. But she always smelled like lilacs, buckskin, and snuff. She didn't speak much. But when she did all the adults acted like manna was falling from heaven. The second strophe refers to why she is appearing in the dream (which was an actual dream of the writer) which is -- because to me -- she represents wisdom, ultimate wisdom -- therefore -- God -- the one I seek that has no face -- so instead -- it is her face -- but not her. The reference to a dream of snow is from my own body of knowledge. The Kabbalists explain the interaction of the creator with the created by likening the dreamer to the dream -- so that God herself doesn't actually 'show up' in our plane of existence but rather hints around -- as in -- when you dream you're freezing to death on a frozen ice berg at the north pole you awaken to find that the covers are kicked off the bed and someone turned the AC way down. A sort of nested reality. As to the interpretation of the words of the prophet -- hey -- when you understand them you will understand them -- just like me. (But I'm willing to discuss what I think they may mean if someone wants to go first) [This message has been edited by Local Rebel (05-08-2003 01:12 AM).] |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
I hope you'll forgive me, Reb, because I did not come in here to critique; I just don't do that very well. Instead, I read for the pleasure and sense of things. This poem, even before I read your posts explaining the background, touched me deeply as being a very personal experience, and very much one of inner discovery. The verses of Earth's elements and how they work in harmony reminded me of a song performed by Peter, Paul & Mary years ago. I think the name of it was, "I don't want your sometime loving." I sincerely enjoyed your poem. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
This is awsome. I am glad I came across this. I love the imagery, well Imagery is my yen, so extra plus. I think the imagery is what sticks out to me. -Juju |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I remember this...  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
To start off with, I am such a fan of your poetry that I am hard-pressed to give an objective opinion of it. You stirred me with your impassioned words and images. I knew I was listening to the voice of a prophet and it touched my spirit deeply. Punctuation at times can get in the way of the flow of thoughts. I rather liked how you broke up your sentences giving both pauses and impact. You are a fine writer Rebel With A Cause! You have the power to move this reader with your poetry. Love & Light, EA |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Reb...I must echo Iliana....I hope you don't mind. I think you are a terrific writer, and what you say is always so enlightening. It's good to see you with poetry again. I hope you will post more!  |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
 many belated thanks to all... reading a few years later makes it seem like reading someone elses writing.. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
And yet the desert will outlast it all. I was wondering what the listener was thinking. |
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