»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Rainy Day's
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Rainy Day's |
|
|
BeKind New Member
since 2003-05-02
Posts 3 |
I had a little inspiration on this one as the weather has been awful just lately. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Rainy Day’s by Steven Hartwright ------------------------------------------------------------------ The rain tapping at the window Wanting to get indoors Into the warmth of home Where we all want to be Storm clouds forming Darker day’s rainy nights Longer and stronger As the months go by Warm drinks cozy fires The grayness of outside Hoping to see the light The sun, the stranger Winter come early Summer never shows Wind whistling, cold blistering The storm is here. |
||
| © Copyright 2003 BeKind - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
This is better I think - it follows through on the idea of keeping your focuses small to start with... I see you're experimenting with imagery in the first verse...you've personified the rain - it's tapping and wanting to get in. That's a good start. Most of the rest is descriptive, and that's good too. A couple of things for you to think on as you continue to write and revise: I notice you have divided your poem into four stanzas with four lines each and your poem doesn't rhyme, but tends toward freeverse...I wonder if you have written in such a structured method because you think that's a poetical expectation? It's not - this is where needing to read published poetry kicks in. It's a wide open world. While you're on the threshold of showing through your descriptive imagery, I think you're still telling more than anything else. I suggest taking a couple of your lines: 'Winter come early Summer never shows' and thinking about how you could show these these two things through imagery. Just something simple to start with. What I don't recommend is long, flowery sentences that consist solely of metaphors and similes and gazillions of adjectives  - a mistake many new writers make. Just something simple that shows, rather than tells.That'll do for now...  K |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
