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Critical Analysis #2
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Date Application
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Date Application |
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smilinmike New Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 5 |
DATE APPLICATION Please think of this as an application For a situation Whereas there becomes a designation Of a relation Between myself And the lady Interested in the presentation Of this litigation She and me Or rather her and I Would imply to try At making Or at least attempt an investigation Into the implication Of the state of dating Not to expect any situation of mating That would require the necessary desire To enquire into another enquiry Of the situation of our relation I do believe Indoubidably That is proper to begin this at the begining Not to assume at all that it has a finishing Am I clear? Or is the logic of my inquisition diminishing Well the long and the short Rather The short and the long of all my going on Is perhaps maybe On Saturday You might like to date me I could be wrong Please tell me So as I can pull my foot From the roof of my mouth Where it's caught on my tooth And move on Are we on? |
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| © Copyright 2003 smilinmike - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
An unusual style in all three of these poems. I can't say that I like it but it reminds me of something I can't put a finger on right now. I immediately see 3 main problems. The rhyme seems to absolutely control the poem. I come away with the feeling that it was the only reason for writing. The whole style makes me read so fast that long before I get to the end, I find myself completely out of breath. Finally, There really seems to be no substance other than the rhyming tricks. Sorry for the negative impression and t may just be me. Let's see what others have to say. Pete |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
This is the type of poem that would get an appreciative laugh at a reading. Check back on your spelling, but otherwise, I'd love to crack open the book and crack a smile at this one's inclusion. |
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jenn21e Junior Member
since 2003-02-11
Posts 10 |
The rhyme forced me to read the poem quite rapidly...was that what you intended? the style was interesting, very unique. could you consider breaking up the rhythm with some non-rhyming lines? when i finished the poem, i just felt as though i had run a race. it was hard to dwell on any part of your poem... all in all, while not my style, very interesting. ~jenn |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) With the rhyme the poem is indeed fast-paced but I am not worried about that here, just a few spelling corrections is necessary and then this is suitable for anything! (big hugggssssss) You have my vote, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I thoroughly enjoyed... the fast pace just reflects the way life sometimes seems to be a bit out of control. *S* |
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TexUS Member
since 2003-03-20
Posts 228 |
This reads like it would be an excellent rap song. Made me smile, I like it! |
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Galena Junior Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 10 |
Wow, this reminds me a little bit of my style in a few of my poems...like a rap song. I didn't really intend them that way, but the rythum just happened. nice job. Sometimes it IS all about the rhymes and anyone who says otherwise can go well, u know... *ha* just kidding about that. Nice job! |
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carol Senior Member
since 2003-01-25
Posts 624Florida USA |
 Rita[This message has been edited by carol (04-13-2003 10:20 PM).] |
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