»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Darkling-"repost"
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Darkling-"repost" |
|
|
Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
Of darkling thoughts,and measured wrath And tortured turns down twisting paths Insanely,he begins to laugh And starts to write my epitaph Years went by,before I dared To look inside and back he stared By then too late,as if I cared I simply sighed, my burdens shared So slow at first,he moved within I paid little notice of him But madness started to descend And darkling thoughts became my sin No longer do I feel lifes' pains My darkling now behind the reins __________________________________________________ My first post for formal critique,I am trying hard to learn the formal rules of poetry,because to be honest I am quite the amatuer.I have no idea what meter I have used,or how to tell.I have know idea what kind of poem this may be considered.I simply write.In this one I paid close attention to the meter.thanks ahead for the read,and any insight you may have into my writing. Jason |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Jason Lyle - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Jason, I like it. But then I am a sucker for good rhyming poetry. Your meter is iambic quatrameter with a couple of exceptions. S2, L1 is missing its initial unstressed syllable. But I think that is all right here. It serves to emphasize the line which is a new viewpoint or something like that. Besides, it does help break up any tendency to be a monotone and tempts the reader to slow down a little. S3, L2, however, is more problematic in that its meter simply falls apart. You could correct the meter thus, I paid slight notice unto him although I don't like unto in this instance. As used there it just doesn't sound like regular speach as the rest of your wording is. As for the rest of the meter, it reads right on to me. Now, for content. I think you have done very well here also. You present an interesting insight into one's inner self, or the darker side of it anyway. At least that's how I interpret it. Perhaps you might change a word or two here and there but I don't see anything right off. Let's see what some of the others have to say. Thanks, Pete [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (02-12-2003 11:41 PM).] |
||
|
Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
Thank you for an honest{and favorable) critique.I will work on s3 l2 to make it fit better.writing in the formal certiantly slows me down,but I think makes for better work. Jason |
||
|
Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
Now I am confused,I admit I am still trying to learn the tech rules of writing,and it is changing how I write.But I have now been told this is iambic quatrameter, then told it is iambic tetrameter.(granted I rewrote a few lines after this post,Rewrite is posted in reflections)any advice on where I can learn these rules?and how to disect my own work? Thanks,Jason |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
