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Critical Analysis #2
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You Will Never Know
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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You Will Never Know |
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Attila Junior Member
since 2002-10-14
Posts 17USA |
I haven't gotten any thing on this one....everyone is saying leave it alone..but I'm not sure...What are your ideas? You Will Never Know Awake in the morning Feel a flat stomache Breathing in time to yours Open your eyes Morning light shines so bright Shadowing the one beside you As she lives in a fantasy Dreaming only of you Wake in the hard night Open my eyes Still I'm thinking of you My bed is cold and empty Tears soar high above Above the hell I'm living (You'll never know: The power in your fingertips The fear in my swollen lips The love you silently reject The cowardice through my head and neck) You throw my feelings out Just more sand on the beach You break my open deep inside I'm just a tide on rocks (chorus) I feel your fingers Playing in my palm I open my eyes, look down See my fist, It was only my fingers I see your fingers Play in her palm I close my eyes, walk past Unclench my fist, too dangerous around her (Chorus) I'm falling and I'll never rise up again Hoping someone or anyone will catch me (Chorus) All the things in this songbecause from now on, im gone From now on im free From now on im here for me [This message has been edited by Attila (01-22-2003 10:00 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Attila - All Rights Reserved | |||
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
I'm not much of one to critique, but I thought this flowed alright except for the line The light shines so bright It sounds cliche If you just want a small change you could do "the light brightly shines." Or "the sun light is glistening" or "the sun's rays glow." Just my two cents for what its worth. Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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Attila Junior Member
since 2002-10-14
Posts 17USA |
How odd....I actually changed it today! HA anyways thanks A bunch for your help and advice! Attila |
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