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Critical Analysis #2
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REFUGEE
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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REFUGEE |
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winston Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 204NW of Eden 
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Where are my sons and where my daughters? Mere hatred cannot offer relief from mourning no retribution satisfy the lust for revenge, nor eternity suffice to stifle the voice within that cries for blood. And I know that I shall have no peace this side of the grave, no life to live. Do not tell me I must forgive. "am a tourist not a terrorist, don't shoot, cause we are all on a journey to God" Michak |
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| © Copyright 2003 winston - All Rights Reserved | |||
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Winston, I have read through this a few times. You have an obvious talent, but this poem is too angst driven. No offence intended, there is a deeper far interesting story here. If it were not for the opening lines: “Where are my sons and where my daughters?” the title, and lines such as “no retribution satisfy the lust for revenge, nor eternity suffice to stifle the voice” I would have seen this as a kind of teen angst poem, I have no problems with poems written by teens that deal with angst or growing pains. What I call teen angst poems are ones that make little connection with the reader, poems that just say I feel terrible, I hate everything, the kind of poems that don’t really explore the issues or the reasons behind the emotions. You have some strong lines here, but it is very hard for a reader to connect to a poem that is full of hatred without reason. Its like with an overtly sentimental love poem. I think that if you are exploring an issue such as the plight of refugees you need to expand more on the emotions, get inside the person’s head. I was being truthful when I said you have a talent, you have good handling of language and words, I just think this poem doesn’t leave much room for the audience to explore. The strongest poems are the ones that accommodate the reader take them on a journey, SHOW (not tell) them the beauty and horrors of the world. I hope I have been of some help. Look forward to reading more from you, keep writing. watched from the wings as the scenes were replayed we saw ourselves now as we never have seen" ian curtis [This message has been edited by brian madden (01-14-2003 04:45 PM).] |
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winston Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 204NW of Eden |
I very appreciate what you have said. Thanks Brian. You have pointed out what's very much pertinent to the manner in which this poems written. I think you are right about having to SHOW more so than having to TELL the reader. The "teen angst" comparison made me laugh. Let's just say that even though am the youngest of my siblings, I have nephews and nieces who are in their teens.  Thanks for your integrity. "am a tourist not a terrorist, don't shoot, cause we are all on a journey to God" Michak |
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