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Critical Analysis #2
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brianm
Junior Member
since 2002-11-22
Posts 16
Colorado

0 posted 2002-12-20 10:23 AM



can you feel the pain
crying out from the innermost depths of my being
it cries for you dear father

the strength of my flesh is rotting my soul
the burning..
the longing..

breathing...

i feel faithless

have i lost my way with the map to my face
where is it that my heart is seeking shelter
where is my love

why is it that i can not find her
did i only glance into her face and forget her worth
did she not see me, standing and weeping in the empty room

if you direct me Lord, i will run

i will run until the end
until my lungs bleed
until my heart bursts

and i am dead


i will run

-  12.13.02   -


[This message has been edited by brianm (12-20-2002 10:41 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 brian falls - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2002-12-21 05:29 PM


What is this about?

You need a lot more detail and expansion to make this interesting. The first line just makes me think of Austin Powers and Bill Clinton at a gym.

Can you feel the pain, Baby, can you feel the pain?

What do you want to get across here?

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