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Critical Analysis #2
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CloudedDreams
Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

0 posted 2002-12-14 09:19 PM



I never been to this forum before, i mainly hang out in teen section Lemme know what you think of this....
Reality

The milky, white moon, with its aged hands
Caresses the young stars to wake from daylong slumber
The evening wind whispers sweet nothings
To the restless leaves on the countless trees

A tired mother watches her children sleep
Smiling, reflecting on the busy day
The glancing at her husband, forever faithful
Realizing them both have withstood much trial

A lonley girl stares at her crumbling cieling
Wiping a lone tear off her cold cheek
She's so tired, but cannot sleep
For anger and sadness tear at her soul

A young couple sits in a deserted park
Gazing deeply into eachothers eyes
Letting nothing but the nigh brezze come between them
they say nothing, for the silence speaks for love

A frustrated baby cries in a broke crib
For a mother who pretends not to hear
But even if the girl did care for the child
There is an empty carton in the moldy fridge

A depressed neurotic finally breaks
His pills and liquor have lost their appeal
The slap of reality would've killed him
That is, if he hadn't pulled the trigger first

the night spins its spell of enchantment
Changing fate's course and alters destiny
So as the sun rises to greet the morning
The world she sees isn't quite the same

© Copyright 2002 Eliza K. - All Rights Reserved
rOxXbabY391
Member
since 2002-12-14
Posts 71

1 posted 2002-12-15 05:52 PM


heyYy i thought your poem was really good, I think it would have been even better if it rhymed though. It would have flowed better.  but dont get me wrong this was very good i just like poems that rhyme

"A lonley girl stares at her crumbling cieling
Wiping a lone tear off her cold cheek
She's so tired, but cannot sleep
For anger and sadness tear at her soul"

thats really good! :-D
~*~eMiLy~*~

"I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right.

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